The Journal of Madie Beartri

Journal 82

I think Lisa stayed a little too long recruiting for Aloysius in Bear Country today. She upset many people. I think people would have been able to ignore the recruitment speech if Lisa wasn’t focusing on the littlest ones in Bear Country. I ignored Lisa most of the day but apparently, a few other people couldn’t. I think Lisa pushed a little too far when she tried to walk out of Bear Country with four of the smallest children.

Pete said it was very much like a scene from the Pied Piper. The children happily followed her. I was in my room when I heard a loud ruckus coming from the front entrance. Several of the senior gang members were yelling a Lisa for trying to take their children. Lisa was as calm as could be. She claims they were only going outside to play games.

She was and she wasn’t. I don’t know but I would have been a bit peeved if she had wanted to take my child outside without asking, if I had a child. Lisa calmly apologized to everyone. She said she meant no harm. Lisa left a few moments later but not before saying she would be back tomorrow.

Pete held a meeting. Not by choice but because several people insisted Lisa be banned from returning to Bear Country. Pete said he wouldn’t ban Lisa from coming into her home. I suggested we take a vote, majority rules. I didn’t want to see Lisa banned from Bear Country, but I didn’t think it was just Pete’s decision to make even though he was our gang leader. We voted and Lisa could stay. We would not allow her to be alone with the children and recruiting for Aloysius must occur outside the doors of Bear Country.

Journal 81

Lisa has returned to Bear Country. She came back to recruit followers for Aloysius. It was a bit unnerving to see her dressed all in white. I was walking out of the cafeteria with a plate of salad. I was so startled to see her dressed all in white that I dropped the plate. It shattered all over the floor. Lisa has always been a calm-natured person but today she was unusually calm, not unlike the people in my dreams. I can’t shake the feeling that Aloysius is bad.

I know that Aloysius is the leader of a cult. Ok, he is the leader of a cult, but cults come and go all the time. There really isn’t any harm in them, not really. Most cults are just fads that last a little while. The followers of Aloysius don’t seem to be bad people. They parade around a lot and like to party, and they can be a bit overzealous in the recruiting department, but I have not seen anything that would indicate they are evil.

Most of the followers of Aloysius are on the streets to help people. Of course, a few groups yell to the top of the buildings that if you don’t follow Aloysius you are doomed. These are the extremist, and I have only seen a few. My brain is broken. If my mom were alive, she would have taken me to see a good psychiatrist by now.

Victor has been tormenting me all day long by walking around like a zombie. He has been a major pest and if he comes around me one more time today, I am going to kick him in his little butt. Victor overheard me talking to Tony about my dream or rather my nightmare.

I was trying to apologize to Tony and explain the things that happened in my dream. I wanted Tony to understand why I believed what I believed when I woke up. I feel like an idiot, but that dream felt so real. I feel awful and a little embarrassed that I thought that Tony, Pete, or anyone in Bear Country could have been a part of that awful group in my dream.

Journal 80

I swear I honestly had no idea the last few days were only a dream. I am not sure what Joshua was thinking as he held me trying to comfort me, but he was making an honest effort to figure out what was wrong. I must have seemed off my rocker. I would have assumed drugs (aka Bliss), alcohol or a mental break if it were anyone else. In Joshua’s eyes, I doubt I was making any sense at all. It had only been about 12 hours since we played kicked the can down Preston Street.

Tony’s point of view was a little different. He hadn’t seen me in a couple of days. He missed the entire running around the room fiasco. The only thing Tony saw was Joshua’s holding me in his arms. Tony and I have a history. We have a complicated history. I am not certain I know exactly what type of relationship Tony and I have with each other. Sometimes I feel as if our relationship is only one of convenience. I share his bed. He shares mine and the rest of the time, we lead our own lives with no strings attached.

Tony knows Joshua and I are good friends. I have many good friends. With that said, I don’t think Tony appreciated Joshua holding me in his arms. I also don’t think Joshua appreciated Tony throwing a punch, which barely missed my head but struck Joshua’s cheek. A mere split second later, Joshua pushed me aside and pointed his gun at Tony. Tony’s hands fly up into the air. This is where time stands still for a moment. I looked at Joshua and said, “We must go. Tony’s guards will be here in a moment.” or something like that. Tony and Joshua both looked at me and then at each other and simultaneously said “WHAT?”

I gave them both a quick rundown of what had happened over the last few days. I was trying to refresh Tony’s memory. He put me through a great deal of torment. I gave as many details as I could remember including, with the white clothes, the sacrifice of Aleece and Tony holding me hostage. They both listened intently as I gave a rundown of the entire story in a minute.

Joshua put his gun away and apologized to Tony. Tony apologized to Joshua for throwing the punch. Tony looked at Joshua and said he had been gone for two days. Joshua looked at Tony and said he had seen me last night and everything was fine. They both looked at me and shook their heads. It was only a dream and now two of my friends think I am insane. They both left me standing there in the middle of my room in a state of confusion.

Journal 79

I plunged the dagger deep into my own chest. I felt a sharp pain and then gasp for a breath…. When I open my eyes Lost (the four-legged creature that resides out at the Spurs Fort with Joshua.) was standing in the middle of my chest. One of her front toenails left a scratch on my breastbone. Joshua was standing in my doorway. He apologizes for Lost jumping on me. He said he didn’t realize I would still be asleep.

Joshua thought I had gone insane. I threw Lost off me. I jumped out of bed. I looked down. There was no dagger in my chest. No dagger wound either, just a toenail scratch. I was wearing my own clothes. The white robes were gone. I ran around my room like a crazy woman. I asked Joshua how he managed to get past the guards. I peeked out my door into the hallway. Where were the guards? A hundred things were going through my mind at once. I grabbed Joshua by the arm. I told him we had to escape. Where were my shoes? I had a sudden thought. If I wasn’t dead, then Aleece was. I started to cry. Joshua grabbed me and hugged me. He assured me everything was fine. I told Joshua everything wasn’t fine. They’re crazy. They locked me in. They killed Aleece. Joshua held me tighter and tried to calm me down. He wanted to know who they were. I said it was Pete, Tony, and the others. That’s when Tony walked into my room.

Journal 78

“Offer myself?” I did not want to die! The hum in the room got louder and louder. People started saying my name, “Madie…Madie…Madie.” Everyone formed a circle around me. The circle got smaller and smaller. I felt swallowed by the crowd. I couldn’t breathe. I feel someone steal Aleece from my arms. Tony holds Aleece up in the air by the back of her gown. Aleece is crying. Screaming with her little arms outstretched. Casey is chanting with the others. Why isn’t she saving her baby? Tony has the dagger in his other hand preparing to strike Aleece with the blade. Pete is whispering in my ear. “Save Aleece, offer yourself.”

I screamed for everyone to stop. The room goes silent. Tony still had Aleece up in the air preparing to strike her with the dagger. I looked at Tony. I pleaded and begged Tony to put Aleece down. Tony handed Aleece back to Casey and then he handed the dagger to me. The dagger was quite beautiful. The crowd parted to reveal the altar. I walked over to it and sat on the edge. Pete said a prayer or something. I really wasn’t listening. Then he sprinkled me with the same perfume he had put on Aleece. I swung my legs around and lay down. I held the dagger in both hands and raised it high up into the air. I closed my eyes and counted to three.

Journal 75

There was a lot of commotion coming from the hallway. It sounded like a party or a convention of some sort. I jumped out of bed. Again, my clothes were different! I was wearing a white cotton nightgown. Another inconvenience I had to deal with. I tiptoed over to my footlocker to make a quick clothing change. I lifted the lid. It was empty. Every piece of clothing I owned was gone. I dropped the lid out of frustration. It made more noise than I had intended. I stood motionless for a few seconds and waited to see if a guard entered my room. I quietly walked over to the door and peaked through the window out into the hallway. I watched several groups of people walk by my door. Everyone that passed by my room seemed happy and cheerful.

For a moment, I thought my two guard friends had finally abandoned me. Freedom was only one flight of stairs and an entrance lobby away. If I acted normally, I might be able to blend in and make it to the front doors. I was mistaken. I slowly opened my door to step into the hallway. Holding two pointy staff the guards stopped my exit. I thought of making a run for it but honestly, I didn’t think I would make it very far. I closed the door.

A few moments later Tony enters my room. He is dressed in royal white robes. His cheerfulness nearly made me puke. I tried to act as if I was glad to see him. I let him kiss me on the cheek. I even leaned in for the kiss. A girl accompanied Tony into my room. She was holding a white gown and a robe across her arms like the ones Tony was wearing. The girl looked familiar. I kept staring and staring. Tony asked me if there was something wrong. I said “No.” It took me a few moments to realize she was the girl from the warehouse. The one squished against the bars in the cage with the dead baby in her arms.

Journal 74

My nightmare didn’t end there. I tried to run out of the warehouse, but Tony wouldn’t let me leave. He said I had to watch. I needed to see the goodness of what was happening. Tony had the two guards that had accompanied us from Bear Country hold me in the place where I was standing. I didn’t want to watch it. I wanted to run away. I wanted to run away from the madness and insanity of this place. My best friend was someone I didn’t know anymore.

The prisoners were pulled off the tables, stripped naked, washed, and then dressed in new white clothes. Gretchen, Cecelia, and a couple of other people I didn’t know assisted the now docile prisoners to their seats on the bleachers. The guards forced another group of prisoners onto the tables and then another group and then another group. This went on for what seemed like hours until the last prisoner was processed.

I was so exhausted. I wanted the night to end. I was so tired of hearing people beg and plead for their lives. I was tired of seeing the already dead tossed aside as if they were garbage. I couldn’t stand up anymore. I was dizzy and lightheaded. I slumped to the warehouse floor. I don’t remember what happened next. I woke up in my room back home in Bear Country.

Journal 73

We turned the corner. Cages lined the street. There were four guards dressed as warriors around each cage. They pulled the cages in a procession towards the warehouse. The people in the cages were packed together like sardines. They all looked scared. No, they looked terrified. The stench was awful. The smell was so bad I was feeling the urge to puke.

As soon as the caged people saw me, they started yelling my name and begging for help. They were so loud my head started to spin. One young mother squished against the bars with her baby in her arms begged me to save her baby. I don’t think I could have saved the baby. She already looked grey. Her little lips were blue. The baby wasn’t the only casualty. There were several dead squished against the bars, all their faces in various expressions of death.

I watched Tony in horror. He didn’t seem fazed by what we were seeing. Tony smiled at me. He kissed my head and said everything was going to be fine. Tony dragged me into the warehouse. Everything was white. Bleachers lined the room. People dressed all in white sat on the bleachers with blank stares on their faces. In the center of the room were four tables. Marty instructed the guards to pull four kicking and screaming people out of the cages. A couple of dead were thrown into a trash dumpster in the corner.

The guards placed the four prisoners face down on the tables. They fought and fought but the guards held them down. One at a time, Marty placed a medical gun to the back of their heads. There was a pop and then silence. The prisoner stopped struggling. Marty placed a small device the size of a button on the back of their heads.

Journal 72

Tony and I walked out the front door of Bear Country. It was already dark. The night air was a little cool. I wished I had worn a sweater or jacket. I could see people standing around fire barrels in the distance. I wasn’t the only person feeling cold. I stopped at the top of the stairs. Tony encouraged me to proceed. He said we only had a short time to get where we were going. The guards that were behind me tapped me with their spears. So, I moved forward. I asked Tony if the guards were necessary. He just smiled and said the guards were for my safety. He didn’t want anything to happen to me.

Tony, the 2 guards and I practically sprinted up Lafayette Blvd. Tony was walking at an extremely quick pace. He was a man on a mission, and he was in a hurry to get there. I abruptly stopped in the middle of the road. The two guards behind me were practically following my footsteps. They nearly fell over trying to avoid running into me. What’s the rush, I asked? Tony grabbed my hand and drug me along. He said he had something wonderful to show me.

Journal 71

When I woke, I was lying on my bed and Tony was sitting in the chair next to me. He reached out to kiss my hand. I quickly withdrew my hand from his grasp. If Tony thought the little nap was going to change my disposition he was mistaken. I said a few dirty words.

Ok it was an entire paragraph worth of dirty words. Tony didn’t flinch. He sat there with a smile on his face and waited for me to finish. The whole purpose of saying language like that is to offend and get a rise out of people. I didn’t get a rise out of Tony. I thought of beginning again but quickly changed my mind. What would be the point?

Tony asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I secretly wanted freedom. We would get out in the open and I would take a break for it.

My tummy rumbled. The rumble was so loud the guards out in the hall heard it. I was so horribly hungry. I glanced at the tray brought in earlier. I don’t know how long the tray had been out, but I was starving. Tony acknowledged my hunger. He heard the rumble. Tony had the guards come in, take the old tray, and bring a new one. Fruit and pastries filled the new tray. I have had fresh fruit, but I hadn’t seen pastries like that in years. I ate until I couldn’t eat any more. The whole time Tony just sat and watched.