The Journal of Madie Beartri

Journal 82

Yates gave Aleece and me a tour of Fort Shasta. Fort Shasta was a secret military base back before the virus. Yates and several of the people that live on this base are the children of former soldiers that worked here. Yates’ father was a Colonel and a communications officer. This is a very clean, very well-maintained base.  The population is bigger than I imagined, and it is true that there aren’t many women around. Yates said everyone here was expected to work. He said it would be a couple of days before he could find me a suitable occupation.

I will have more freedom than I expected. Yates said I can go anywhere I liked on the base, but I would have to stay away from the areas that are marked for soldiers only. Unless of course I decided to enlist in the army then I would have access to some of the other places. Curiosity was killing me, with the freedom given what was keeping me here. I wasn’t surprised by the answer Yates gave me. He said there wasn’t anywhere to go. This is a secret military base. There is only one way in and one way out. Armed soldiers guard the entrance. He said I could try to go over the mountains, but he wouldn’t recommend it. The mountains are extremely steep and there is an electric fence around the entire perimeter. He said if I managed to make it up the mountain and over the fence, I would have to worry about wild animals. This area has mountain lions, bears and other wild critters that would love to make a meal of me. I don’t even know which direction would lead me home to Bear Country.

The end of our tour ended at a very colorful building with ducks and rabbits and other cartoon characters painted on the sides. Before we walked inside Yates said he didn’t bring me here to Fort Shasta to be his sex slave. I breathed a sigh of relief. I spent all night thinking of excuses I could use to avoid sex. He said he brought me here to be a mom to his two-year-old son. His wife died last year from pneumonia. He said he loved his wife and didn’t expect me to fill her shoes. Yates’ sister was taking care of the boy but she is now unavailable.  I was going to ask why she is unavailable but decided against it. Sometimes I think there is a higher power out there laughing at me trying to see how complicated he can make my life.  I now have the responsibility of caring for two children that aren’t my own. Yates’ son David is adorable, and he was so glad to see his Dad when we walked into the building. The four of us walked back home.

I have not seen the other girls since my arrival. I am hoping their stay at Fort Shasta has been as pleasant. Yates said he would locate their quarters for me so that I could visit my friends, but he cautioned about breaking any rules or trying to escape.

Journal 81

It has been a long and interesting day. It was midday before our buyers appeared. I felt like a dog in the pound. Luckily, the buyers found all of us acceptable. I only say the word “luckily” because if the boys are alive and if they are making plans to rescue us it would be better if we were all together in the same place.

We are all decent looking women, and I have to admit that Lisa is cute. Two of the men that arrived to retrieve us wanted to take Lisa as their wife. There were a couple of minutes of “I saw her first” and “why do you get first choice” but our buyers solved the problem with a round of rock, paper, and scissors. I hate that game. If I had been Lisa, I would have been very offended that the two men fighting over me didn’t participate in an actual dual to the death. I didn’t get that kind of drama. I got “I’ll take that one over there.”  There is something insulting about being chosen last even in a situation like this. If Yates had known I was about to cost him more than he had bargained for he would have chosen one of the other wives. My new husband didn’t seem as excited about this whole “I’m getting a new wife thing” as the other men. My first thought was “great, I get the moody, cranky one.”

I pleaded and begged Yates to pay for Aleece. There was a brief moment when I thought I might not get her back. Mathias said he had already promised the Shakers that they could have Aleece, but I think he was just trying to get Yates to pay more for her.  A couple of tears and a please and Aleece was mine again. I cried more the moment that she was in my arms.

The trip to our new home lasted a couple of hours. I think we headed west but I’m not sure.  We spent the entire time in the back of a truck with no windows. Our new home looks like a military installation surrounded by mountains on all sides. I’m thinking that there is only one way in and one way out. We must have passed through a tunnel toward the end of our journey because there were several minutes of darkness and then it got light again.  I want to go home but it looks like escaping from here is going to be a difficult challenge.

Yates has actually been very kind. Our new home is small but comfortable.

Journal 80

It felt like we had been in this cell for days even though it had been only a few hours. We were all stressed, angry, and tearful at times. We kept trying to reassure each other that our loved ones and friends weren’t dead.  My head ran through possible scenarios for our capture. I kept trying to think positive thoughts, but my mind kept wandering back to the awful possibility that our friends weren’t as lucky as we were.  I was afraid that they were dead back at the campsite. Then, suddenly I pictured Aleece in that cabin all alone with no one there to help her. I sat down and cried.

He wasn’t at all what I thought our captor would look like. I was expecting someone big and ugly, with a nasty black smile. He wasn’t like that at all. He walked into the room nicely dressed, confident and handsome. He was holding a tray of food. The first thing he said was “Good morning, ladies. My name is Mathias. Welcome to Alexandria City and sorry about the accommodation.”

We started yelling at him all at once. Why are we here? Where are our friends? He told us to relax, he could only answer us one at a time. He pointed to me, so I asked my question. Where is Aleece? He looked a little confused. She’s a baby, blond hair, wearing a pink dress.

Mathias looked at me with those big brown eyes and that shiny white smile. “Oh right …I’m selling her to the Shakers. Don’t worry, she is going to a wonderful gang. They don’t believe in sex, and they can’t have children of their own. So, they buy orphans.”

I tried to reach through the bars to ring his neck, but my arms were too short. “She is not an orphan. She belongs to me.”

“Not anymore. I’m getting a good price for her.” He assured me that Aleece would lead a wonderful life, have plenty of food, schooling, and an excellent religious upbringing.

Then (and he said this with a smile) that we were being sold to a gang that needed women. He said I would have plenty of opportunity to have more children.

Hemy went ballistic then. She said it was illegal to buy and sell people and she said she already had a husband. Mathias played dumb. He said he didn’t know anything about Matt, Jonas, Tony, Sheriff Pete, Joshua or Runt.  He said he had advertised for women. Little Aleece was a bonus. Oh, and he said that it wasn’t illegal to buy and sell people in Alexandria City.  Apparently, the slave trade is alive and well in this part of the country.

I begged to see Aleece. I promised Mathias that I would do anything, he asked if I could just see her for a moment. He smiled that smile and said “NO,” but he did say that if I could get my buyer to pay for Aleece I could have her back.

 

 

Journal 79

The unexpected sometimes happens. I woke up with a tremendous headache. I hurt so bad that sitting up was a challenge. Lisa, Hemy, Kate and Emily were lying in various positions on the cell floor. There was a window in our cell. I couldn’t tell what time it was but the sun was just barely starting to rise. I crawled over to the girls and tried to get them to wake up. They responded in various ways. Emily must have been feeling as bad as I was because she puked all over the floor the moment she sat up. It was all I could do not to follow suit. My first verbal thought was “What the hell happened?” Then there was a sudden panic when I realized that the boys and Aleece weren’t with us.  I started yelling for anyone that was on the other side of the bars, but no one came. I tried shaking the bars, and kicking the bars to get someone’s attention but the activity made my head hurt worse. I fell back down onto the floor. For a moment, I even considered that this whole thing was some awful nightmare brought on by bad fish eaten after the wedding ceremony. I knew I wasn’t dreaming when Lisa asked if she was.

The girls and I tried to piece together what happened. I vaguely remember being jolted awake by hands on my face. It was the same for Kate and Emily. Hemy said she and Matt were sleeping when several dark figures entered their room. She said she didn’t get a good look at anyone because before she could react someone was placing a rag on her mouth and nose.

We are stuck in this cell. I am hoping not for long. With any luck, the boys will have been able to escape our attackers, and they are at this moment planning our rescue.

Journal 78

I think the fresh air does something to people’s minds. Matt and Hemy have decided to marry. I am not surprised because they are always together, and they spend every waking hour in each other’s arms. It must be an amazing feeling to be in love. We don’t live under the same rules and restrictions that our parents lived under. A marriage certificate was required back then. A legal document signed. Today you can just make a verbal commitment to each other and continue with life. There is something special about saying to someone “Will you spend the rest of your life with me?” We still hold ceremonies. Sometimes they are elaborate and sometimes they are simple.

We spent the day gathering flowers and decorating the campsite. A nice meal has been prepared. Hemy is pacing in the next room, rehearsing what she is going to say to Matt in her promise and Matt is next door probably doing the exact same thing. Keeping those two apart for a few hours was a challenge but we did it. I have written a wedding speech to the both of them. It’s somewhat ironic because I have never been in love. (I think I know what love is). Shortly, the ceremony will start and Matt and Hemy will promise to love each other forever.

When Matt and Hemy asked me to write this speech, my first response was to say “No”. Get someone else to write it. I am not qualified. I did a little soul searching and I have experienced love and commitment. I think we all have. I loved my parents and to some degree, I love all of my friends. Little Aleece shows me love every time she blows one of those bubble raspberries. (It’s cute you should really see it.).

We all have commitment to something. As the leader of Bear Country, I have been charged with making sure that our gang remains a viable and productive part of society. I have never experienced true romantic love or known the unspoken commitment that love of that magnitude brings. I was going to try to define love for everyone here today, but “Love” is a personal thing between two people. Only Matt and Hemy can define their Love. I hope that the love that the two of you share lasts forever. Let this day, this ceremony, be a reminder of your commitment to love each other in good times and in bad. Matt and Hemy have written their own vows to each other and have asked us here today to witness this joyous occasion. (Insert their vows here.)

I have written and rewritten. It’s not a long speech but I think it will be satisfactory.

Journal 77

When I was small, my dad introduced me to the pinecone people and their little villages. I think it was his way of keeping me occupied when he and my mom were trying to recuperate from the day’s activities. It worked because I was busy. You can do a great deal with pinecones. They come in a variety of shapes and sizes. I made people and I built cities.

This morning after breakfast, I was showing Runt and Aleece the Pine Cone people. Tony walks up behind me and kisses me on the cheek. I didn’t object to the kiss. It was just a little unexpected. I said, “Good morning.” and then Tony said “Good morning.”  I asked Tony if he had plans for the day. He said he was going to go exploring with Runt and asked me if I wanted to go along. I declined because the girls and I already made plans. That kiss on the cheek has been on my mind all day. It was probably one of those, life is good, I am having a good day kiss. One of those moments when you are just glad to be alive and you need to show it by kissing someone on the cheek. Anyone in the vicinity and I was that person. He probably would have kissed Lisa, Emily, or Kate if they were sitting there.

The girls and I discussed kissing today. We discussed the different types of kisses and their meanings. Apparently, you shouldn’t get excited about a kiss on the cheek.  If it’s nothing to get excited about then why is it still on my mind?

Journal 76

I think everyone has gone to bed. Matt and Hemy disappeared early in the evening. The rest of us sat around the campfire, talked, and laughed. It’s been a good day. It feels so good not to be the one making all the decisions. I lay in the sun. I went swimming in the lake. I collected pinecones. Don’t know why. It just seemed like the thing to do. We talked about girl things. We all talked about the men in our lives. I learned some very interesting details. The boys actually came back with something to eat although I doubt their story about the one that got away.

I think my parents would be proud that I haven’t given up on life. However, it has been so hard. I try not to dwell on the bad things, and I try to enjoy the good things. There have been good things. This vacation is a good thing.

Journal 75

I came to a sudden realization that afternoon at that abandoned building. The life I knew was gone. I wasn’t going to get it back. I cried when I saw that Hannah was dead. It was the last straw. I was not going to continue to live in fear. I had to change things. I thanked Matt and Jonas for saving me. They said they were just passing through the area looking for stuff. I asked them if they belonged to a gang, and they said No in unison. It made me giggle because they answered many of my questions in unison. Matt and Jonas helped me carry Hannah back to the apartment and on the way, I asked them to join my gang. I gave them a long speech about how it was safer and that gangs could change the community for the better.

We buried Hannah that afternoon. It’s easier to dig a hole when you have help. It was a nice service. It was sad but nice. Hannah was a good leader, and I learned a great deal from her in the short couple of weeks that we got to know each other. She had confidence that I didn’t have and strength to continue with life. I think she gave part of that to me.

Deciding on a name for our gang was not an easy task. All of us living in the apartment thought of gang names for several days and then we held a meeting. I can’t remember all of the gang names mentioned but most of them were bad. Let’s see there were the Chieftains, Gators, Blue Jays, Robins, Kawasaki’s, Raccoons, Badgers, and Trojans. The list covered an entire page. We finally decided to refer to ourselves as Highland Heights. This was the name of the gated community.

Life was getting good. We all worked as a team, and we spread the word in the community that gangs could help gangs rebuild our city. Then the fire happened. Someone tried to build a fire in an apartment across the way from ours. We could see it through the windows. It didn’t take long for the fire to get out of hand. Several apartment complexes including ours burned to the ground. We were all homeless. I went to Bear Country High School on Lafayette Blvd. It was just down the road. We decided to break into there and stay for a few days until we could find a new place to live. We never left.

Journal 74

It wasn’t long before I ran out of food in my house. I spent the next day’s going from house-to-house savaging for food.  Most of the homes in my neighborhood were empty. The families that lived there left trying to escape the disease. I became really good at breaking into homes. My problem was that other children were also breaking into homes looking for food. It didn’t take long before every house in my neighborhood had been broken into and picked clean. Sometimes I went days without anything to eat.

My first friend was Hannah. I met her one day while in town. I was looking for food and trying my best to stay away from the Hyenas. They were a particularly brutal gang. Rape seemed to be one of their favorite activities. I made a wrong turn and ended up in an alley with only one exit and the Hyenas were close behind. I ducked behind a pile of crates and boxes. I was trying to be quiet and wishing, hoping the Hyenas were far enough behind me that they didn’t see me go into the alley. Someone grabbed me from behind. I almost had a heart attack. It was Hannah. She told me to be quiet. We slid into a cellar. I believe she saved my life that day.  For the next few weeks, we hung out together. Hannah and I had a lot in common. We were both only children, liked the same music and watched the same TV shows. Both of our parents had jobs that kept them in the area during the virus. Hannah lived in a gated community in an apartment with several other children. They helped each other survive. This is where I met Pete and Lisa. One day Hannah and I were out looking for food. We were talking and laughing and not paying attention to what was going on around us. We ran into the Hyenas. It was too late to run. The Hyenas tied and dragged us into an abandoned building on Chase Street. The Hyenas drag Hannah into a back room. I could hear her crying and begging them to stop. I struggled to get free, but I couldn’t. Hannah finally stopped crying, and the Hyenas came out for me. I was terrified. This was it. I was finally going to die. That’s when Jonas and Matt showed up.  They were my heroes. They beat the Hyenas to a pulp and left a bloody mass of broken bodies on the floor. Hannah died that day. We couldn’t save her. What a waste.

Journal 73

It has been a good morning. The cabins by the lake are in much better shape than the lodge, there are no broken windows or doors off their hinges. I spent the morning doing a little light cleaning and gathering wood. I even found some delicious berries while exploring. The girls and I have been sunbathing most of the morning. Aleece and Lost are also enjoying the great outdoors. Lost is having a good time. The little four-legged critter hasn’t stopped running around since we got here. She is certain that she is going to catch one of those squirrels. We are waiting for the boys to return from their little hunting expedition. I think its male bonding because we have food. The girls and I have decided that we would give them until noon to return and then we are going to break into the stores and eat what we brought from Bear Country.

Yesterday evening at the lodge brought back memories from the past. Those were sad and horrible times. I have tried hard not to dwell on what happened back then. Unfortunately, it is impossible to erase certain memories from your mind. My parents’ deaths crushed and broke me. For a few days, I wanted to die. My heart hurt so badly. I remember lying on my bed, praying that I would go to sleep, and not wake up. My parents were both dead in the other room. I didn’t deserve this. How could this horrible thing have happened? I am not sure when I chose to live and continue with life. I think it was when I decided to bury my parents in the backyard.

It was a challenge to get my parents out of their room and into the back yard. I struggled most of the day. My dad was very big and dead bodies are so very heavy. My mom was a little easier, but it was still a challenge. I am a little amazed that I was able to get them out of the house at all. I drew lines in the dirt to mark the area where I was going to dig. The movies always made digging holes tedious but easily done. Digging holes big enough to bury someone is almost impossible. I dug until my hands had blisters as big as quarters. The hole still wasn’t nearly big enough and the ground was getting too hard for me to dig through. I lay down and cried. I was tired and hungry. I had taken on an impossible task. I was defeated I couldn’t do it. I placed a couple of blankets and a tarp over my parents and put bricks my father had stored in the shed around the edge. I wanted to bury them and say a prayer. It’s what you do when your loved ones die. I saw it happen in the movies a hundred times. I went back to my house and opened one of the last cans of vegetables that were in the pantry.