The Journal of Madie Beartri

Journal 74

My nightmare didn’t end there. I tried to run out of the warehouse, but Tony wouldn’t let me leave. He said I had to watch. I needed to see the goodness of what was happening. Tony had the two guards that had accompanied us from Bear Country hold me in the place where I was standing. I didn’t want to watch it. I wanted to run away. I wanted to run away from the madness and insanity of this place. My best friend was someone I didn’t know anymore.

The prisoners were pulled off the tables, stripped naked, washed, and then dressed in new white clothes. Gretchen, Cecelia, and a couple of other people I didn’t know assisted the now docile prisoners to their seats on the bleachers. The guards forced another group of prisoners onto the tables and then another group and then another group. This went on for what seemed like hours until the last prisoner was processed.

I was so exhausted. I wanted the night to end. I was so tired of hearing people beg and plead for their lives. I was tired of seeing the already dead tossed aside as if they were garbage. I couldn’t stand up anymore. I was dizzy and lightheaded. I slumped to the warehouse floor. I don’t remember what happened next. I woke up in my room back home in Bear Country.

Journal 73

We turned the corner. Cages lined the street. There were four guards dressed as warriors around each cage. They pulled the cages in a procession towards the warehouse. The people in the cages were packed together like sardines. They all looked scared. No, they looked terrified. The stench was awful. The smell was so bad I was feeling the urge to puke.

As soon as the caged people saw me, they started yelling my name and begging for help. They were so loud my head started to spin. One young mother squished against the bars with her baby in her arms begged me to save her baby. I don’t think I could have saved the baby. She already looked grey. Her little lips were blue. The baby wasn’t the only casualty. There were several dead squished against the bars, all their faces in various expressions of death.

I watched Tony in horror. He didn’t seem fazed by what we were seeing. Tony smiled at me. He kissed my head and said everything was going to be fine. Tony dragged me into the warehouse. Everything was white. Bleachers lined the room. People dressed all in white sat on the bleachers with blank stares on their faces. In the center of the room were four tables. Marty instructed the guards to pull four kicking and screaming people out of the cages. A couple of dead were thrown into a trash dumpster in the corner.

The guards placed the four prisoners face down on the tables. They fought and fought but the guards held them down. One at a time, Marty placed a medical gun to the back of their heads. There was a pop and then silence. The prisoner stopped struggling. Marty placed a small device the size of a button on the back of their heads.

Journal 72

Tony and I walked out the front door of Bear Country. It was already dark. The night air was a little cool. I wished I had worn a sweater or jacket. I could see people standing around fire barrels in the distance. I wasn’t the only person feeling cold. I stopped at the top of the stairs. Tony encouraged me to proceed. He said we only had a short time to get where we were going. The guards that were behind me tapped me with their spears. So, I moved forward. I asked Tony if the guards were necessary. He just smiled and said the guards were for my safety. He didn’t want anything to happen to me.

Tony, the 2 guards and I practically sprinted up Lafayette Blvd. Tony was walking at an extremely quick pace. He was a man on a mission, and he was in a hurry to get there. I abruptly stopped in the middle of the road. The two guards behind me were practically following my footsteps. They nearly fell over trying to avoid running into me. What’s the rush, I asked? Tony grabbed my hand and drug me along. He said he had something wonderful to show me.

Journal 71

When I woke, I was lying on my bed and Tony was sitting in the chair next to me. He reached out to kiss my hand. I quickly withdrew my hand from his grasp. If Tony thought the little nap was going to change my disposition he was mistaken. I said a few dirty words.

Ok it was an entire paragraph worth of dirty words. Tony didn’t flinch. He sat there with a smile on his face and waited for me to finish. The whole purpose of saying language like that is to offend and get a rise out of people. I didn’t get a rise out of Tony. I thought of beginning again but quickly changed my mind. What would be the point?

Tony asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I secretly wanted freedom. We would get out in the open and I would take a break for it.

My tummy rumbled. The rumble was so loud the guards out in the hall heard it. I was so horribly hungry. I glanced at the tray brought in earlier. I don’t know how long the tray had been out, but I was starving. Tony acknowledged my hunger. He heard the rumble. Tony had the guards come in, take the old tray, and bring a new one. Fruit and pastries filled the new tray. I have had fresh fruit, but I hadn’t seen pastries like that in years. I ate until I couldn’t eat any more. The whole time Tony just sat and watched.

Journal 70

I paced back and forth inside my room for what seemed like hours. A group of children played outside my window. Lisa oversaw the little group. She was teaching the children games, songs and reading them stories. I opened my window and tried to get Lisa’s attention. Lisa ignored me and instructed the children not to look my way.

One of the guards’ steps into my room and closes the window. He said it would be best if I left the window closed. A few minutes later, he returns with a hammer and a nail.

Tony finally brought me some lunch. He walked past the guards as happy as a lark. Tony had a huge smile on his face. He placed the lunch tray on my desk and then tried to kiss me on the cheek. I was pissed and angry. They held me prisoner in my room for hours. I wanted to know what was going on. Tony acted as if nothing was wrong. He started to talk to me as if I was a child. The way he was talking to me just made me angrier.

I threw a right fist to Tony’s chin, but my aim was bad. I missed it. Tony grabbed me from behind and wrapped his arms around me. He said everything would be fine. I just needed a little time. I would be myself again. I struggled against his hold and stomped his foot. Unfortunately, my feet were bare. I hurt myself. One of the guards walks into the room and places a rag across my mouth. The room suddenly turned black.

Journal 69

I felt as if Sheriff Pete was talking in code. He reminded us to attend the ceremony at the designated place, at the designated time and not to be late. What place? What ceremony? What time? Everything Pete said was cryptic. At least it felt cryptic to me.

Everyone else seemed to understand perfectly. Tony kept nodding in agreement with Pete. The meeting ended with a toast. We all gathered in front of the theatre. Everyone passed around a bottle of wine. Tony filled my glasses for me. Sheriff Pete raised his glass and said something about new beginnings and better times. Glasses clanked together. Everyone drank but me. I didn’t feel like it. Something felt wrong. I stood there and held my glass. Everyone started to stare at me. Tony asked if I was going to drink or if I was going to jinks now. I smiled and drank.

I don’t know what was in that drink. I woke up in my room. Someone changed my clothes. I was dressed in white. I jumped out of bed to search for Tony and give him a piece of my mind. I didn’t get far. There were guards at my door. I tried to be cool and walk past them, but they stepped into my path.

Journal 68

The morning was going fine. Everything seemed normal until Sheriff Pete called for a gang meeting. Everyone gathered in the theater. Tony and I were one of the first people to arrive. We took seats in the third row. Everyone residing in Bear Country attended. How weird. I never actually got everyone to attend my meetings. There were always at least a couple of people missing. I didn’t see anyone missing.

Everyone was wearing white or something as close to white as he or she could get. I felt out of place and a little confused with the sudden change in wardrobe everyone seemed to have acquired but me. I tried to ask Tony what was up, but he shushed me. He said he would answer my questions later. Right then Tony wanted to hear what Sheriff Pete had to say.

I almost jumped up out of my seat and yelled at Tony for shushing me. I caught a quick glance of the rest of the people in the room. I felt as if everyone was staring at me. I had sunk back into my seat. I’d wait until later to let Tony know what I was thinking about his shush. In the meantime, I gave Tony the stare of death.

Pete was up on the stage with a couple of his deputies flanking him. They were carrying spears. When did they start carrying spears?

Journal 67

My nightmares continue. I tried to avoid them, but nothing seemed to help. I even read the tales of Winnie the Pooh until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. The last thing I remember hearing was Matt and Hemy chasing each other down the hall to their room. I glanced at the clock, and it was one. I don’t know exactly when I drifted off to sleep, it was probably sometime after that.

I didn’t realize I was dreaming everything seemed incredibly real. Tony came into my room and woke me up. He was sweet and he was happy. He said he had missed me. It was wonderful.

Tony prefers to wear black. He is always dressed in a black kimono, or Black shirt, and Black pants. I have rarely seen him in anything else. My first question to Tony after he woke me was “Why are you wearing those white pajama pants?” He simply smiled and said, “I’m just trying something new.” I didn’t want to say but I don’t think he looks good in white.

Journal 66

When I was little before the virus my parents used to sneak kisses with each other when they thought I wasn’t looking. I used to think it was gross. My parent’s affectionate behavior towards each other did have its advantages. They didn’t allow me to play on the computer or play video games during the week because of homework. EXCEPT on those days when my parents were in the mood for romance. My parents would excuse themselves to their room and stay for hours. I would get no dinner that night, at least not a dinner with meat, two vegetables and a roll. I didn’t mind. I preferred snacks anyway. When my parents decided to make re-entrance into the living room they would always apologize for their absence and come up with some sad excuse why they needed to talk in the bedroom. As if I thought, they were in there talking. I was a good daughter and pretended I hadn’t noticed. They didn’t scold me for breaking house rules about computers and video games.

Couples are everywhere. It must be a full moon or something. I hate days like today. I always feel as if I am intruding. Couples are around every corner. I must have missed the memo that said today was make out day. These days always happen when I have no one.

On my way to the bathroom, I ran into a couple making out in the bathroom. Surely, they could have found a better place. The sudden rush of emotion couldn’t wait.

Jonas and Shanice were making out in the admin hallway. A few more feet and they would have been inside Jonas’s room. Why couldn’t they take a few more steps and close the door? Matt and Hemy were making out on one of the tables in the kitchen. I voiced my opinion on their choice of make out spots. Matt and Hemy both apologized and then went back to what they were doing. My whole purpose of going to the kitchen was to get something to eat. I left the kitchen without checking what was available in the food stores. I wonder if Matt and Hemy are finished. My tummy is rumbling in protest.

Journal 65

Tony is out. I couldn’t find him anywhere today. I have been all over this campus. I was hoping to spend a little quality time with him. He is mad because I spent two days out at the Spur’s Fort. In my defense, Tony could have come out there. I invited him.

I ran into Victor while on my way to the media center. I wanted to see if Mary, Gretchen, or Cecelia knew about any books on dreams. I am still having nightmares. I can’t seem to shake them. Victor said Tony went to see some friends but that he didn’t know when Tony was coming back. I asked what friends, but Victor said he didn’t know. I tried to drag it out of the little runt, but he played dumb. I grabbed Victor by the front of his shirt and demanded to know where Tony was. Victor wasn’t intimidated. He can almost look me straight in the eyes. If anyone knew where Tony was it would be Victor. For some reason, Victor wasn’t about to give up any information.

Marty said there weren’t any books on dreams in the library. Gretchen and Cecelia were out for the day. Marty said he was going to go to the city library tomorrow for research. He said he would look for books on dreams for me. He is so sweet.