The Journal of Madie Beartri

Journal 118

I was so exhausted by the time I made it back to my room I couldn’t bring myself to write in my journal. It was an interesting day yesterday. Interesting is probably not the best word to use but now I can’t think of anything else. I woke up early so that I could attend the rally that I heard was going to happen. I was hoping to talk to Hess before things got too wild and crazy. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I couldn’t find Hess. I saw several Blue Monarchs. I even spoke to a few of them but they weren’t giving up any information on how I could locate Hess. They kept saying she would be here. It was frustrating.

The Black Cobras are increasing in numbers and their hold on the people in town is increasing. Several buildings in town had signs on the doors announcing change of management. This is not a good thing. I was walking thru town and saw someone wearing a Black Cobra patch. At first, I thought allies were advertising their association with the Black Cobras, and then I noticed several people were wearing them. After a little research, I discovered that you have to have a patch to enter a building under Black Cobra management.

The rally did not go well. It turned violent quickly. A group of Black Cobra guards surrounded us and demanded we stop the rally. We objected and the fight began. Most people attending the rally did not bring weapons the Cobras were all armed. It wasn’t a fair fight. I have an enormous bruise on my left arm. Someone hit me with a stick. My arm is not broken but at first, I thought it was. I couldn’t fight after that. More Black Cobras arrived and their leader stopped the fight. The Cobra leader asked us to go home or they would take us into custody. We went home.

After the rally, I went to the jail to see Tony and Sheriff Pete. I was hoping they could help me with my arm. To my surprise, the Black Cobras took over the jail. I couldn’t find Tony. The Cobras locked Pete in one of the cells with a couple of his deputies. Victor was not in a cell but he seemed to be very comfortable talking to the new jailers. He has gone over to the other side. I asked for Pete’s release. They denied my request. I begged and pleaded and spent a couple of hours of kissing Black Cobra butt (i.e., making coffee, refilling cups, sweeping, taking out the garbage and washing windows) Pete was released from his jail cell. I wouldn’t normally have gone thru the trouble but Pete is a very valuable member of Bear Country.

Journal 116

After spending a little time at the jail with Tony and Victor, I walked out to the Spurs Fort to see Joshua. From our conversation yesterday, I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to talk to the gang leaders alone and arrange for a gang meeting or if he wanted to go along.

Joshua was out branding cattle and enjoying it. I think the boys and a couple of girls were having a little roping competition. Seems somewhat cruel to me but Joshua said that branding was the only way he could be sure people knew that the cattle belonged to the Spurs. He must have been having a busy morning. Dirt and sweat covered Joshua. I don’t think I have ever seen him that dirty and he smelled like a cow.  Stinky, Stinky, Stinky. In addition, he couldn’t just say “hi”, he had to hug me …ick!

I felt bad about taking Joshua away from his fun and games. He didn’t seem to mind too much but I apologized for the interruption in his play. His day probably would have been more enjoyable if he had stayed home. We went from gang leader to gang leader with the exception of a couple of gangs no one wanted to hear our cause. It was a waste of a perfectly good afternoon.

On our way back to the Spurs Fort, Joshua and I walked by the Black Cobras gang building. There was a long line of people waiting for their daily dose. None of them looked very healthy. A few people were asleep in the gutters. Black Cobras were using sticks to encourage those unable to get up off the ground to leave. A few people had to be carted away in wheel barrels. Today would have been a good day to show Victor what this drug is doing to people. Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

Journal 115

Runt (Victor) sits in jail. He isn’t talking to anyone especially not Tony. I dropped by to bring him some breakfast this morning. The boy is stubborn. He wouldn’t even look at me. He just stared at the corner, pretended I wasn’t there.  His dinner from last night was still untouched. I feel sorry for him but I can’t help think that Tony is only doing what he thinks is best.

The Bear Country grape vine is one of the quickest ways to pass information from one person to another. The jail was actually a busy place today. Victor can’t complain about not getting visitors. I imagine just about everyone in Bear Country knows he is in lockup. Several of the younger children stopped by. Sheriff Pete had his deputies frisk everyone to make sure they didn’t have any “Bliss” on them.

The Library Trio, Marty, Gretchen, and Cecelia stopped by. They offered to discuss peer pressure and the downfalls of using drugs with Victor but he wasn’t interested. Marty said they had thought about bringing a few books on the subject but then it occurred to the three of them that Victor doesn’t know how to read.  I think the not knowing how to read comment hit a nerve with Victor because he tossed his glass of water at the bars drenching the three of them. Cecelia and Gretchen offered a few words of encouragement and said that they would be back in a few days to check on his progress.

Joshua from the Spurs gang also stopped by the jail. He was actually at the jail to see me and not Victor.  Joshua wanted to know if I had thought of any solutions on how to get rid of the “bliss” troubles in town. I told him I had no idea about what to do about the problem but if he had any solutions I would gladly listen. He had no solutions but suggested that we call another gang meeting.  I don’t think it would help but I said I would make the arrangements. I hope he doesn’t expect a big turn out because I don’t think we are going to get one.

Journal 114

There is drama and more drama. I guess it was too much to ask to have two peaceful no eventful days in a row.  I was in my room in the admin hallway, sitting at my desk, staring out the window, watching the squirrels when I heard yelling and people running down the hall. Victor tackled me the moment I stepped out in the hall. I don’t think he was expecting me to step into his path. The both of us land on the floor. Victor starts yelling at me to get off and let go. I’m trying to get up as Tony grabs Victor by the collar.  Victor struggles and tries to pull away from Tony. Sheriff Pete arrives on the scene to help Tony apprehend Victor.

I’m not sure when parental responsibility ends and when you just have to raise your hands in the air and say I give up.  Get out, go your own way, make your mistakes. Tony is troubled because he doesn’t know what to do. I don’t have any answers. I’m not sure what I would do in the same situation. Tony wants to save Victor from “Bliss”. Victor doesn’t want to be saved.

Tony and Pete locked Victor up in the jail temporarily for his own safety. It was a struggle to get the boy there. For a little kid he has considerable strength in his arms and legs. I think Tony plans to leave Victor in jail until the boy comes to his senses. From the attitude, I saw today, I don’t think Victor is coming around to Tony’s way of thinking any time soon.

Journal 113

I returned Aleece to her mom Casey, permanently this time. Casey assures me that her days of taking chances are over. She plans to settle down and give Aleece a stable environment. I hope this is true because Aleece needs her mom. I’ll be watching. I spent the rest of yesterday evening and most of today alone. It was nice, quiet, and peaceful. I woke up at 8 o’clock this morning and for a brief moment, I thought about starting my day. Then I had a thought. If someone in Bear Country needed my assistance, he or she could just wait until later. I climbed back into bed and didn’t climb out again until almost ten. I didn’t get dressed until almost noon.  Not one person stopped by or knocked on my door. I love lazy days.

After breakfast, or rather lunch. I went down to the park, sat under the big oak tree, and watched the ducks. I couldn’t have asked for a nicer day with no cares and no worries. I almost made myself cry when I thought about how much Aleece loved watching the ducks. I am sure Casey will bring Aleece to the park occasionally. I watched a couple of gangs on the opposite side of the lake play football. They looked like they were having a good time. Every time someone scored a touchdown, you could hear people cheer and see them dance on the field.

Journal 112

I spent most of the morning pacing around Bear Country waiting for Casey’s return. I had just about given up hope when Sheriff Pete sent one of the smaller children up to my room to let me know that Casey was back and that she had a friend. Pete and a couple of his deputies were keeping them both at the front entrance. I found this a little odd and I was confused. Why would Pete not let Casey in? I picked up Aleece from her cradle and went to the front of Bear Country.

I stood at the top of the stairs in utter disbelief. What was Casey thinking? Why would she bring him back here after everything he did in the past? She had to be insane. I leapt down the stairs. The first thing out of my mouth was “I want him out of Bear Country now!” I was up in Casey face in a flash. “What the hell are you thinking? I can’t believe you deserted your baby to retrieve this piece of garbage.”

I said a few other things before taking a deep breath to continue with my madness. Casey grabbed the opportunity of my pause and simply said, “He isn’t Xavier”. Picture the room suddenly quiet. Then I laughed and handed Aleece to one of the deputies and asked him to take her up to my room. I remember thinking that Casey thinks I’m stupid. Before I had, the chance to continue Casey said she could prove he’s not Xavier.

I had Sheriff Pete and his deputies lock Casey and her friend in one of the supply closets. Then I sent a runner to retrieve Hemy from the Central Campus. It was more than an hour before Hemy and Matt arrived at Bear Country. In the mean time, I was down stairs in the basement talking to Tony. He just sat there and listened to me rant and rave about Casey trying to make a fool out of me.

Pete opened the supply closet and the first thing out of Hemy’s mouth was “Alexander, how have you been?”  Hemy looked at me and said with a smile, “This is the good twin.” I had my doubts but after a few minutes of Hemy and Casey assuring me that this person standing in front of me was not Xavier but in fact, his brother Alexander I had to relent and let them out of the closet.

Journal 111

I saw an old friend today. I haven’t seen her in ages. I wasn’t even sure if she was still around. I thought that maybe she moved on to some place new. Apparently, not, because when I went to town with Sheriff Pete and Jonas, there she was standing on the top of an old broken-down car protesting against the use of “Bliss”.  A little déjà vu. The last time I saw her standing on a car was during the mail war.

Hess is a unique individual and the leader of the Blue Monarchs. She has a considerable amount of passion especially about causes she finds important. I have never been one to stand up on a soapbox and voice my opinion at least not in public. In my own gang, I voice my own opinion. In gang meetings, I speak my mind. Hess is a little different. She is fearless. Hess takes on the world regardless of the danger. She lets the whole world know her opinion. I have seen Hess draw lines in the sand and dare ignorance to cross. I have a lot of respect for that.

The crowd watching Hess was a mixed crowd. There were a few hecklers but for the most part, it was a peaceful protest. It stayed peaceful until a couple of Black Cobras dropped by the protest to cause trouble. They weren’t happy she was standing on top of that car protesting against their livelihood. From within the crowd the Black Cobras started throwing things at Hess. I saw a metal pole barely miss hitting Hess in the head. The crowd reacted quickly. Sheriff Pete was standing next to one of the Black Cobras. I was standing next to Pete. Pete put the Black Cobra on the ground before he knew what was happening. The crowd also subdued the other Cobra. There was a brief moment of uncertainty when I thought a large fight was going to develop. The crowd sent the Cobras away with their tails between their legs. The crowd quieted down and Hess finished with her speech.

It was good to see her again. Sheriff Pete, Jonas, and I invited Hess back to Bear Country for dinner. She said she was a little busy but that she would stop by sometime soon when she had a little free time.

Journal 110

Aleece is asleep. I have been sitting at my desk for more than hour thinking about Tony and Runt (Victor). I’m not sure when I jumped over the line from being a child to thinking I was grown. If my parents were alive, they would still consider me a child. My parents would expect me to live by and follow their rules. My parents aren’t alive, and I set my own rules. I live my life the way I want.

Victor wants to live by his own rules. He wants to live his life the way he wants to. Tony believes that he has the responsibility to make sure that Victor grows up to lead a happy healthy life. Victor is still a little boy. He still hasn’t reached his teenage years. Tony has established a set of rules for Victor to follow and until recently Victor hasn’t had much of a problem following those rules. Victor has become extremely defiant. Tony has his hands full. I am not certain if Tony is going to be able to control Victor for much longer. Moreover, technically, there is nothing forcing Victor to follow Tony’s rule. There is no family connection, not a real one.

Victor snuck out of the basement and went to the Black Cobras. Tony caught up to him before he actually had the opportunity to enter the Black Cobras gang building. Luckily, the line to get in was extremely long. Tony drugged Victor back to Bear Country kicking and screaming. It was not a pretty site. I haven’t been to the basement, but I have a feeling Tony has tied Victor to a chair or some stable object.

Journal 109

My life is full of stress and more stress. Maybe I should reconsider my friends. When I went to bed last night, I was alone. I woke up this morning to find Aleece in my room. I was having a dream and, in my dream, I heard a baby cry. I was looking everywhere for the baby and I couldn’t find it. I was in this building and that building, down by the lake and roaming the halls of Bear Country. I don’t know what exactly made me wake up but when I did, Aleece was in my room crying. I picked up Aleece and went down to the cafeteria to get her a bottle because Casey didn’t think to leave me one. I think I spent most of the morning pissed and angry. I ran into Sheriff Pete in the cafeteria. He asked me if I was having a bad day. I just glared at him probably with an evil expression on my face and continued making Aleece her bottle. Then I ran into Tony, Lisa, and Jonas on my way back to my room. They were discussing something. I don’t know what. Tony asks if I needed some help. I simply said “NO” rather abruptly and kept on walking.  I laid Aleece in her cradle to get a drink of water from the sink because I forgot to get myself something when I was downstairs. I looked in the mirror and had a terrible fright. My hair was a mess. It was sticking up all over my head and then I realized that I had been downstairs without a robe on. I was just wearing my gown.

Aleece was cranky and cried most of the morning. Mid-morning, Aleece decides she needs a nap, and I lay her back down in the crib. I see the note Casey left me. I don’t know why I didn’t see it earlier. The note didn’t make me feel any better.

Journal 108

I attended a gang meeting with several of the local gang leaders. It is not a surprise, the local leaders split on the “Bliss” issue. The meeting was loud, noisy, and violent. I left with an excruciating headache and a sore hand from punching one of the other gang leaders. In my defense, he swung at me first. All I said was that “Bliss” was going to shrink his already little brain. We accomplished nothing. The gang drew lines between those who think “Bliss” is a menace and those who think “Bliss” is just a recreational drug that helps make life tolerable.

“Bliss” posters encouraging its use are posted all over town. I was so angry after the meeting that I tore down several posters on my way back to Bear Country. To make matters even worse, as I was walking through the center of town I noticed a gang called the Black Cobras handing out free samples of “Bliss” to anyone who wanted to try it.

In only a couple of days, the little Bliss Kiosks has grown into an entire building with Black Cobra guards posted out front. Apparently, you have to be a member to enter. The line to get in was half way down the block.