The Journal of Madie Beartri

Journal 158

Everyone living inside Bear Country survived that winter. Many of the other gangs living around Bear Country weren’t so lucky. I saw more than one dead frozen soul on the streets that winter. Each time I saw a dead body I promised myself I wouldn’t let that happen to my friends. We were going to survive no matter what I had to do.

By the time Tony and I climbed out of the basement it was already mid-morning. Tony went to town, and I went to check on Yates. General Yates and his soldiers were putting the captured Black Cobras into trucks, preparing to take them away so that they couldn’t cause trouble. Yates wanted to know where I had been all morning. He had stopped by my room around 7am to see if I wanted to join him for breakfast but I wasn’t there.  I came up with some excuse about waking up early and going for a walk to clear my head.

Joshua from the Spurs Gang dropped by to give me a hug and to congratulate General Yates and his soldiers on defeating Cain and the Black Cobras.  General Yates said thank you but said we shouldn’t get too excited. He said that most likely there were still people out there producing Bliss and distributing it in the community.  Yates had a good point. Totally getting rid of Bliss in the community is probably never going to happen. Joshua invited everyone in Bear Country, General Yates, and his soldiers out to the Spurs Fort for a party. He said it would help with morale. We accepted.

Journal 157

It was a long cold winter. I kept Cain a secret and I prayed for spring. Each time I went to Cain I told myself I was never going back no matter how hungry I was. The kids of Bear Country continued with daily food hunting excursions, but we kept coming up empty handed. After several days without eating, I had no choice but to return to Cain. He was the only source of food I knew about. Each time I knocked on his door he would smile and invite me into the den of disgust. The cost of food kept rising. Cane forced me to do more and more awful things. His temper was short. His friends weren’t any better.  If I refused a request I was beaten and pushed out into the cold with only half the food I was promised or none at all. I explained my bruises by telling my friends someone attacked me on the street.

My nightmare ended when the snow melted. Shortly after the last time I knocked on Cain’s door I heard a rumor that he was killed in a freak accident. Cain had more enemies than he had friends. I guess the rumor was false.

Journal 156

I was feeling guilty. I had eaten the entire can and I still had no food for my friends. I kept looking at the cases of peaches stacked against the wall. I thought of stealing a couple of cans and running away. After thinking about it for a few moments, I realized I couldn’t outrun Cain and his friends. I was so cold, and my legs were barely holding me up.

Cain kept smiling at me. He had a nice smile and nice eyes. His voice was very comforting. He asked if I was still hungry. I said no even though I was certain I could eat an entire case all by myself. I was trying to get up the nerve to ask for some cans for my friends back at Bear Country. Cain saw me staring at the peaches against the wall. He said he was willing to barter for them. I told him I had nothing to trade. He said I had plenty to trade. He touched my hair and face and said I looked decent. That’s when my nightmare began.

I carried four cans of peaches home to Bear Country that day. I told my friends I had found them in an abandoned apartment.

Journal 155

After I showered, I went down to the basement. Tony had prepared us a meal. There was enough food in the basement to last us a week. Neither of us ate. I think we were both too tired to eat. Tony and I sat on his bed and talked for a while. It was nice. The conversation accidentally turned serious, so Tony told a couple of bad jokes to change the subject. The jokes made me laugh. I needed a laugh.

It’s about three or 4am. I think. It’s hard to tell down here, there’s only one small window and I didn’t bring my watch. I thought of looking at Tony’s, but he wears his watch on the bottom side of his wrist. I would have to move his arm to read it. Tony has been sleeping so soundly. I didn’t want to disturb him.

I couldn’t sleep. I kept dreaming about the winter I spent under Cain’s torment. It was our first winter after moving into Bear Country. The cold caught us unprepared. I can’t remember ever seeing that much snow. We were living from one day to the next and neglected to store food up for the winter. By the time we realized we had no food stores it was too late to do anything about it. We took turns going out into the cold searching for food. Most of the time we came back empty handed. The streets were deserted that winter. The cold and snow kept people inside huddled in masses. I was so hungry and desperate. If I didn’t find us something to eat, my friends and I were going to die. By sheer chance, I ran into Cain. He and a couple of his friends were standing around a fire barrel laughing and eating canned peaches. They had a couple of cases stacked against the building. I begged for some. Cain smiled at me and opened a can. I think I ate the whole can in one gulp.

Journal 154

I have given out more hugs in the last two hours than I have given out all year long. I have said it before, but I have some good friends. General Yates and his soldiers are outside securing the captured Black Cobras. Yates dropped by a few minutes ago to see how I was doing. He is so sweet. Tony dropped by my room shortly before that and invited me to get something to eat. I asked him to give me a little while. I needed to finish this Journal and shower. I would drop by his room when I was done.

My brain is a little wonky. I am having some serious difficulty forming thoughts in my head. I have been trying to write everything down that happened before I forget it. I am so tired. I need to tuck myself into bed. I need to shower first. I stink. I wish I had a bathtub. My stomach is growling. I am not sure when I ate last. It was yesterday at breakfast maybe.

Journal 153

As we reached the Black Cobra gang building Cain jumped up on the front steps and invited the crowd to join the festivities. His girlfriend was drooling all over him, still making a fuss and telling Cain how great he was. Her continuous talking was making my headache turn into a migraine. I wanted to tell her to shut the (insert dirty word) up.

The girls and I were paraded to the front of the stairs and forced to kneel on our knees facing the crowd. Cain sent a couple of Black Cobras into their gang building to get the Cobras that were inside so that they could watch our execution. The crowd suddenly went hush. Cain started to give a speech about defeating the enemy. I knew we were getting ready to die so I closed my eyes and tried to think of something else.

I heard a gun go off and Cain stop speaking in mid-sentence. He fell down the stairs and landed beside Hemy and me. I was frozen where I was kneeling. The crowd panicked and tried to run. I stayed where I was. Tony reached down and grabbed my arm to help me to my feet. It took me a moment to realize who he was. I hugged his neck and started to cry, again. I thought Tony and the others had died in the explosion. That is when I noticed General Yates and about 50 of his soldiers surrounding the crowd. Yates looked at me and with a smile said, “I told you I had things under control.”

General Yates and his soldiers rounded up all the Black Cobras they could find and burned the Cobras gang building to the ground.

Journal 152

I was on my knees in the gravel staring back at the burning building. I think I was in shock. Some of my closest and dearest friends were in that building. Cain was dancing around like a fool gloating over his accomplishment. His girlfriend was dancing with him. She stroked his ego by saying he was the best leader ever. She even suggested Cain make himself King.

After a couple more minutes of hero worship and gloating, Cain demanded we all get back on our feet. We continued down the road toward the Black Cobra’s gang building. We had started to draw a crowd. The whole town must have heard the explosions. I hadn’t seen this many people in the streets in a long time. I felt like I was on display. In the back of my mind, I was worried about how bad I looked. Would someone write about this day? How would I be portrayed on the page? Would they say I was a good leader or a bad one? Some of the people on the street cheered as we passed by. The people cheering were Black Cobras and a few gang members loyal to the Cobras. A majority of the people just stood there. A few of them looked as if they wanted to help but were afraid to try. I tried to look confident even though I was dying inside.

Journal 151

Cain never liked it when people didn’t do what he asked immediately. I knew from firsthand experience that Cain’s temper was short. I felt his fists on more than one occasion. He yelled one more time for General Yates and his soldiers to toss their weapons out the window. To prove he was serious about his threat of blowing the room up he pushed a button and blew up the adjacent storage building. The explosion was so loud I thought we were all getting ready to die. General Yates and his soldiers tossed their guns out the window. I was praying Yates had a plan.

Cain had our attention and to prove he was in charge and to prove he controlled our fates he pushed Hess over the railing. She hit the floor with an awful thud. I couldn’t help but cry. Once the tears started, I couldn’t make them stop. I asked Cain “Why did you do that?” He simply said, “Because I can.” Cain’s sidekick seemed to enjoy the display of cruelty. She was jumping around in the loft laughing and clapping.

Cain had his Black Cobras tie Yates, Jonas, Matt, Pete, Joshua, and the rest of the boys to poles in the room. Cane led the girls and me out. We were marched up the street with Cain and his girlfriend in the lead. We had walked about two blocks when we heard the building we left explode. The enormous explosion knocked several of us off our feet.

Journal 150

I thought Cain had died long ago. I had no idea he was the leader of the Black Cobras. I could have sworn it was someone else I had seen previously. I stood there in the middle of the floor looking up at the loft. Cain was standing there looking down at me with that giant toothy grin on his face. (That face used to haunt me in my dreams.) The girl who had been tied up with the explosives yesterday stood beside him, all happy and smiling. She had Hess tied to a rope. Leading her like a dog. Cain must have had Hess beaten. She looked like the walking dead.

I was trying to think of something clever to say and at the same time hold the nausea I was feeling in check. The past I had tried to forget had suddenly rushed forward. The hunger, the cold, the abuse, and the awful things he made me do. It was an awful winter. Our resources were few and we were starving to death. I hadn’t eaten in days. Some of the other kids were already walking skeletons. I went out to search for food.

I was so hungry that I would do just about anything for a bite to eat. I ran into Cain. He had an incredible smile. I thought he was an angel sent to save my friends and me. I didn’t realize until it was too late that the smile he enjoyed showing off was hiding the face of evil.

I must have been a nice shade of green because Yates whispered for me to relax, he had things under control. I didn’t see control. Cain demanded Yates and his soldiers toss their weapons out the far window or he would blow up the room.

Journal 149

We have all been awake for more than 24 hours. I have a horrible headache, and I am sure my adrenalin level is probably off the scale. Sneaking up to the warehouse at 3am in the morning and capturing the Black Cobras was actually quite simple. It was too simple when I think about it now. We stormed the warehouse and disarmed the guards with almost no effort at all. I remember thinking “That was so easy. I don’t know what we were worried about.”  We all started jumping up and down and praising ourselves for our accomplishment. The prisoners were all glad to see us. They had been in the warehouse for almost two days without food and water. I hugged and kissed Yates and thanked him for all of his help. I was starting to feel better about getting our community back to the way it was before Bliss and the Black Cobras ruined everything. It didn’t hit me that something was wrong until I heard the doors slam shut. Everyone let out a gasp and then the room went quiet. We were caught off guard. We had walked into a trap. I heard clapping and someone from the loft say, “Well done.”