The Journal of Madie Beartri

Journal 103

I sat there tightly squeezing my cup and drank my tea. Tony had his arm around my shoulders. I didn’t even notice his arm was there until he gave me a squeeze. I think it was a squeeze to let me know he was sitting there, or it was a squeeze cautioning me to keep my cool. I was feeling a bit warm, not from the fireplace but from my temper. I was getting red in the face. I know it’s silly, but I wanted to slap Anna’s hand off Joshua’s shoulder. Joshua is my friend, and Anna is intruding on a friendship that I hold dear.

I asked Joshua if he needed anything. He said he had all he needed. Joshua gazed into Anna’s eyes. There was more patting and hand holding with Anna. I stood up from my chair and kissed Joshua on the cheek. I think I kissed him out of spite because Anna was standing there. I told Joshua I was glad he was recovering.

I looked at Anna and told her it was good to meet her. Then I said Tony and I needed to get back to Bear Country. Tony shook hands with Joshua. Anna escorted us to the door and graciously invited us back. Joshua stayed in his chair and drank his tea. I think he was still feeling a bit weak and tired. As soon as the door closed, I stomped down the stairs of the porch.

Journal 102

I sat near the fireplace with Tony and Joshua. Anna, one of the followers of Aloysius gave all three of us a cup of tea. I think it was tea. It had an odd taste, but it felt good going down. I tried not to stare at Joshua, but I couldn’t help myself. He looked so frail. I tried to start a conversation by asking Joshua how he had been. It was a dumb question. It was obvious how Joshua had been. Tony kicked me in the ankle. I suddenly wished I had asked something else. There was an awkward silence for a few moments as Joshua gathered his thoughts.

Joshua redirected the question to me and asked how everyone at Bear Country was doing. I told Joshua about the deaths of Gretchen and the baby. Joshua said he was sorry to hear about our losses. Joshua got quiet for a moment and then said The Spurs had lost four gang members before the Followers of Aloysius dropped by to trade. Anna put her hand on Joshua’s shoulder to comfort him and said it was the least her gang could do. Joshua smiled at Anna and continued by saying that the followers of Aloysius are the reason the Spurs did not lose more people. Joshua patted Anna on the hand. “Anna is the reason I am alive. She knows a great deal about herbs and their healing properties. She has not left my side for days.” Anna smiled at Joshua. “The herbs were a gift from Aloysius. I only know what he showed me. Aloysius provides all. All we must do is believe, Joshua.”

Journal 101

I went for a walk with Tony today. Things were stable in Bear Country. Tony and I walked all the way out to the Spurs Fort. It was so cold. It didn’t feel that cold when we began our journey but by the time we arrived at the Spurs Fort I was frozen to the bone. I was so happy to see smoke coming from the main house. It meant a decent fire inside and the possibility of warmth to defrost the parts of me that I could no longer feel. Tony and I knocked on the front door. Usually, one of Joshua’s guards’ answers but not this time. To our surprise, a follower of Aloysius answered the door. I stood in the open doorway curiously staring at this person. I was unable to speak partly because my face was frozen and partly because I was a little confused. Tony looked at me and then I looked at Tony. Tony asked for Joshua and the follower graciously let us in. The room was indeed warm.

I started to thaw as soon as the front door closed behind me. A dozen people occupied the room. About half of them dressed as if they were followers of Aloysius. The room had a strange feeling to it I really can’t explain.

I was getting ready to ask for Joshua again when he walked into the room. Joshua must have been horribly sick. He looked thin and his eyes looked tired. He seemed glad to see me. Joshua asked Tony and me if we wanted something hot to drink. We gladly accepted.

Journal 100

The snow has stopped falling. It was a reasonably nice day. You could see blue sky instead of the solid covering of clouds. It’s still cold outside but not freezing. I took off one layer of clothes. I had four on. The snow has started to melt. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that it warms up a little more.

We had visitors today. Three gang members from the followers of Aloysius dropped by to see if we needed any help with our sickness. Sheriff Pete didn’t let them stay long. He said we were doing just fine on our own. I guess you could say we are doing fine. People are recovering. No one else is near death. The followers of Aloysius left us a basket of herbs. We are supposed to make soup and make sure everyone has some. The soup is supposed to cure whatever ails us. I have my doubts but if it’s true then I wish the Followers of Aloysius had arrived a few days sooner.

Marty and Cecelia built a tent on one side of the room away from everyone. They are close enough to the fire barrels to keep warm. I went to check on Cecelia and the baby, but Marty wouldn’t let me in the tent. He said Cecelia and the baby needed their rest and that he wanted to keep everyone away from the baby. I understand but I have the feeling I am getting the cold shoulder.

 

 

Journal 99

Hemy, Lisa and I offered to prepare the bodies for burial, but Marty and Cecelia insisted that they prepare Gretchen and the baby themselves. Marty and Cecelia carefully dressed Gretchen and the baby in nice clothes and wrapped them together like a mummy in a couple of sheets. We wrapped the mummy in Gretchen’s coat. It was a little odd to see a mummy dressed in a coat, but it made Marty and Cecelia feel better.

I remember when my parents died, and I had to prepare their bodies for the ground. I think making sure they looked decent made me feel better. I washed their faces and hands. I couldn’t change their clothes I laid them to rest in the clothes in which they died. I was never actually able to get my parents into the ground. I couldn’t dig deep enough. I had to drape my parents with a couple of blankets, a tarp and place bricks around the edge.

Hemy, Lisa, Cecelia and I cleaned off one of the tables in the greenhouse and draped it with a nice pretty sheet. Cecelia wanted everything to look nice. She swept the floor and washed a couple of windows. We placed a few lit candles around the room. Everyone that wasn’t deathly ill gathered in the greenhouse. It was a lovely ceremony. Sheriff Pete said a prayer and Lisa sang.

When Marty said his goodbyes, it took all the control I could muster not to cry. I broke down when Cecelia said her goodbyes. Cecelia asked Gretchen to take care of her baby boy and then promised to raise and love Gretchen’s baby. Hemy and I looked at each other. Cecelia knew we had made the switch. After the ceremony, we closed the doors of the greenhouse and wrapped a piece of fabric wrapped around the handles.

Journal 98

Gretchen and the baby died two days ago. I was beginning to think Marty and Cecelia were not going to let us remove their bodies from Bear Country. It was starting to get a little creepy. I dreamt last night that Gretchen was walking around like a zombie. No one wanted to be the person to tell Marty and Cecelia that we needed to remove the bodies from Bear Country.

To solve our dilemma, we held a meeting and drew straws. Sheriff Pete pulled the shortest straw. After losing the draw, Sheriff Pete excused himself and went for a walk. I think he was trying to get his thoughts together. Pete came back a short time later and then went to talk to Marty and Cecelia. The meeting only lasted a few moments.

We all stood around trying to look natural. I don’t know what Sheriff Pete said but it must have been appropriate. Marty and Cecelia agreed we could move Gretchen and the baby to another location in the building until we could dig a hole for their burial and hold a simple ceremony.

We spent half the day trying to dig a hole along the tree line behind the football field. The ground is frozen solid. We barely made a dent in the dirt. Sheriff Pete suggested we use the empty green house for Gretchen and the baby until we can dig a proper hole.

Journal 97

The snow continues to fall. I went for a walk earlier to get away from the sadness and despair of this place. I couldn’t take the moaning and groaning for one moment longer. There are two feet of snow in places outside, or more. I really wasn’t paying much attention to the depth of snow I was trampling through. I walked around the entire campus, down the street and through the park. It was quite beautiful to see everything covered in snow. After I was sufficiently frozen to the bone, I went back home to Bear Country.

Marty and Cecelia are trying to recover from their illnesses and come to terms with the death of Gretchen and her baby. It’s sad the library trio is now a duo plus baby. I can’t believe Gretchen is gone. I feel guilty about her dying. I know I couldn’t have done anything to change what happened but…maybe if I had checked on her at least one more time, she would have had the strength to pull thru.

Tony, Victor, Matt, and Jonas have been collecting wood to burn in the barrels. Partly out of necessity and partly because of built up frustration at our current situation. I am proud of Victor. He has worked hard despite not feeling well.

I think most of the wooden chairs inside the school have been broken into bits. I suggested they only break enough chairs to use now but no one was interested in what I had to say so I didn’t push it. I did put my foot down to keep Jonas from removing the chair in my room. I need that chair. A quarter of the length of the far wall is stacked with wood (mostly broken chairs and tables) and other things that will burn. The room has been staying comfortable. The boys placed the three barrels strategically around the room. The ceiling has a layer of smoke a couple of feet deep but most of it seems to make its way out the hole in the ceiling.

Journal 96

I hadn’t been asleep long when I heard the baby cry. I kept my eyes closed listening to Gretchen taking care of her baby. I was so tired that I was only going to get up if she needed my help. I think I listened to the baby cry for a good five minutes. I sleepily got up to help Gretchen. I was silently protesting the need to get out of bed. Hemy also got up to help. We both looked at each other half-asleep. I leaned over, tapped Gretchen, and told her that her new baby was hungry. He survived his first few hours he deserved the chance to eat. Hemy was a little more forceful in trying to waken Gretchen. I think we both noticed while Gretchen had died. Hemy sat down and cried, and I sat down and cried. Hemy took the baby from his mother’s arms and held him close and cried some more.

Hemy and I sat next to Gretchen’s body for a good while. I heard Cecelia wake up. Her fever broke. She was asking for her baby. I didn’t even realize she had remembered delivering her baby. I looked at Hemy and Gretchen’s baby and then at Cecelia’s dead baby we had bundled up in a blanket and set aside. I don’t regret our decision. I think it was the right thing to do. Hemy and I handed Gretchen’s baby to Cecelia.

Journal 95

It has not been a good night. Sometimes life sucks. Gretchen finally delivered her baby at four in the morning. I have never been so glad. I don’t think I could have taken one more hour of Gretchen crying and screaming. Poor Gretchen pushing that baby out was an impossible task. There was an enormous amount of blood.

Gretchen fell asleep almost immediately after the baby’s delivery. I’m not even sure she knows he is a boy. Hemy helped me clean the baby up and tuck him in bed next to Gretchen. He is an adorable baby boy. He is small, not much bigger than a doll. I tried to let Marty know that his baby boy was born but I couldn’t wake him. His fever was through the roof again. Tony told me to leave him alone. Marty didn’t need to expose his baby to the illness.

After Hemy, Tony and I cleaned up Gretchen we decided to try to make Cecelia more comfortable before we tried to get some needed sleep. Cecelia had been lying in birthing fluid for hours. We had been ignoring her, not on purpose but Gretchen needed our help more. Cecelia hadn’t made hardly any sounds in hours. Hemy and I grabbed some clean blankets and towels and began to clean up the bed Cecelia was sleeping on. Cecelia was very unresponsive except for a couple of moans and groans. Cecelia was sicker than we had realized.

Hemy was attempting to put clean towels under Cecelia’s bottom when I heard Hemy say “Oh shit” in a panicky way. The baby’s head was halfway out. I tried slapping Cecelia awake to get her to push. I didn’t help. I tried pinching her arm and yelling at her to push. Nothing was helping.

Tony pushed me out of the way and lifted Cecelia to her knees. Tony said gravity would help. Why does he know these things? Hemy grabbed the baby’s head and gave it a pull. The baby slid out easily. He was small. I think he was too small. We tried to get him to breathe forever. His little body just lay there. He never took the first breath. We wrapped him in a blanket and set him aside.

Journal 94

I’m tired and my head hurts. I need to sleep. We all need to sleep but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. There is too much commotion happening around here. Sick people are everywhere. A few are taking care of the majority.

I think I liked it better when Marty was unconscious. He keeps trying to get out of bed and help Gretchen and Cecelia. The only problem is that he is running a high fever and keeps falling down every time he gets out of bed. One of these times he is going to crack his head open. I am getting tired of putting him back into bed. Tony is tired of putting Marty back into bed. If Marty gets up again Tony said he is going to tie him down so that he can’t get back up.

Cecelia is laboring but laboring quietly. If she is in as much pain as Gretchen, she isn’t showing it. Gretchen had been screaming at the top of her lungs for hours. Her labor pains are never ending. She has barely a minute of relief between contractions. I have been taking turns with Hemy and a couple of other people trying to get Gretchen to breathe and relax. Gretchen is so out of control that nothing we say or do is helping. Somebody shoot me if I ever become pregnant. I don’t remember Casey’s labor ever being this bad. Casey’s labor lasted for days but it was never constant, and she never screamed this loudly.