Journal 88

I spent the morning playing with Aleece and thinking about my childhood. I was thinking mostly about my father. He was a good man and made my life incredibly interesting. He never let a learning opportunity pass. I miss those unexpected lessons. For example, one day when I was about seven years old my father and I were driving to the Home Depot to pick up a new faucet for my mother. My mom loved to redecorate. A hooker was soliciting customers on the corner. My father stops the car and points. “That is a hooker.”  I remember thinking. “Ok, what is a hooker?”  My father gave me a little speech about hookers and the difficult life they chose. I am not certain if he actually said what a hooker did for a living but I remember staring out the window and thinking “that is one ugly woman” and “she must be really cold.”

In memory of my father, I have been teaching Aleece little life lessons. I realize she is a little small to remember anything I tell her but she looks at me as if she is really listening.  I have been trying not to let her forget about her mom Casey. I tell Aleece that her mom will return soon and I show Aleece her mom’s picture.  Sometimes I am not sure if I am doing this for Aleece’s benefit or for mine. If Casey comes back tomorrow, I will have to give Aleece back to her mom. I find myself hoping she doesn’t return.  I am deeply attached to this little girl.

Aleece and I are meeting Tony and Runt later. We are going to go shopping for baby shoes and a few other things. Aleece is becoming mobile. She hasn’t started crawling but she does lift herself up to her hands. She hasn’t been able to get to her knees but I don’t think it will be long. I don’t want to her scrap her little toes when she does begin to crawl.