Journal 70

Tony dropped by to see me. He stood in my doorway for a few moments. I was sitting in the rocker playing with Aleece. I was sort of ignoring that he was standing there. I think I was waiting for Tony to say something first. He finally said something like “So how are things going today?” I did the eye roll thing and said “Life is fine.” I don’t think he believed me. I’m not sure I believe in me. I continued to play with Aleece, hoping he would just go away. Tony came all the way in my room. He sat on the couch. I did more rolling of my eyes. “What do you want?” I asked. Tony innocently said he wanted nothing. He just wanted to know if Aleece and I wanted to go to the park for lunch. I calmly said that the park was still too wet from the storm. He had an alternative plan. He invited us to the Arcade. I tried to say no but he insisted. I bundled up Aleece and we went to the Arcade.

The arcade was fun. Hyatt was as polite and nice as he was the last time we stepped into his establishment. I was glad the storm didn’t hurt his business. I spent the next few hours trying to avoid a serious conversation with Tony. I know he wanted to talk to me about recent events. I did everything I could to avoid discussing the issues. Tony finally got tired of chasing me around. He cornered me and dragged me outside to a bench.

The first thing I said was that I didn’t think Casey was coming back. The responsibility was overwhelming me. Tony said it was OK. He’d help. He said Casey would be back. I am not sure if he really believed that or if he was just trying to make me feel better. Our conversation continued about many other things. We even discussed my role as Gang leader. I have been gang leader from the beginning but lately I have wondered if maybe I should step down and let someone else take over.  Tony listened carefully to everything I had to say, and he was very sympathetic. I cried all over his shirt. Only good friends let you do that. Our conversation ended when I heard Aleece crying inside of the Arcade. Hyatt was doing his best to calm her down. She was just hungry.

The walk home was a quiet one, but I felt better. Tony said he would watch over Aleece for the rest of the evening and give her back to me in the morning. I didn’t object.