Journal 155

After I showered, I went down to the basement. Tony had prepared us a meal. There was enough food in the basement to last us a week. Neither of us ate. I think we were both too tired to eat. Tony and I sat on his bed and talked for a while. It was nice. The conversation accidentally turned serious, so Tony told a couple of bad jokes to change the subject. The jokes made me laugh. I needed a laugh.

It’s about three or 4am. I think. It’s hard to tell down here, there’s only one small window and I didn’t bring my watch. I thought of looking at Tony’s, but he wears his watch on the bottom side of his wrist. I would have to move his arm to read it. Tony has been sleeping so soundly. I didn’t want to disturb him.

I couldn’t sleep. I kept dreaming about the winter I spent under Cain’s torment. It was our first winter after moving into Bear Country. The cold caught us unprepared. I can’t remember ever seeing that much snow. We were living from one day to the next and neglected to store food up for the winter. By the time we realized we had no food stores it was too late to do anything about it. We took turns going out into the cold searching for food. Most of the time we came back empty handed. The streets were deserted that winter. The cold and snow kept people inside huddled in masses. I was so hungry and desperate. If I didn’t find us something to eat, my friends and I were going to die. By sheer chance, I ran into Cain. He and a couple of his friends were standing around a fire barrel laughing and eating canned peaches. They had a couple of cases stacked against the building. I begged for some. Cain smiled at me and opened a can. I think I ate the whole can in one gulp.