The Journal of Madie Beartri

Journal 114

I had another nightmare about Aloysius. I don’t remember exactly what happened in my dream. I just remember being overwhelmed with panic. I know my dream was scary, frightening, and very disturbing. I must have been crying and making a fuss while sleeping because both Sheriff Pete and Tony woke me from my nightmare. I had a few moments of confusion. Sheriff Pete got a little too close to me. I bopped him hard and gave him a bloody nose. Tony in return slapped me across my face to bring me back to reality. His handprint is still on my cheek.

After apologizing to Pete and helping him clean up his nose, I sat out on the front steps and talked to Tony. We talked about nothing. I’m not even sure how long we were outside. I ignored the cold. Tony suggested we go back inside and go back to bed after he couldn’t keep his teeth from chattering.

Journal 113

I woke up early and put on a dozen layers of clothes. The walk out to the Spurs Fort was a cold quiet one. I knew something wasn’t right the moment the Spurs Fort was in sight. The sign that used to read Welcome to the Spurs Fort now said Aloysius is the Way.

I walked up to the gate and asked the guards standing in my way if I could talk to Joshua. I didn’t like the reply I received. Joshua was doing the will of Aloysius, and he couldn’t be disturbed. I wasn’t amused. I told the guard that Joshua would talk to me because I was his best friend. I tried to run past the guards, but they tackled me to the ground before I reached the main house steps.

I yelled and fought off my attackers the best I could. The ruckus I made out on the front lawn brought Anna out to the front porch. Anna told the guards to let me up. I told Anna I wanted to see and speak to Joshua. Anna repeated what the guards had said. She said that Joshua was busy and couldn’t be disturbed. I told Anna I wasn’t leaving if I couldn’t talk to Joshua.

I don’t know if it was the determination in my face or my anger that I was spewing all over the front lawn, but Anna instructed the guards to let me go and invited me into the house. She had redecorated the main house. It looked very much like a religious shrine. A shrine dedicated to the will of Aloysius.

I waited by the fireplace for an hour before Anna brought Joshua into the room. Joshua looked as if he was feeling better, but he had a blank stare on his face. I asked Joshua how he had been. He said he was feeling much better now that Aloysius had healed his soul. Joshua smiled a little smile and asked me if I had come to join the love that was Aloysius. I think my heart broke a little at that moment. My Joshua, my friend, was no longer the Joshua that I knew. I excused myself and then walked the long way back to Bear Country.

Journal 112

I am so glad this day is almost over. Tempers have been flaring all day long. Matt and Jonas had a dispute over how to stack the wood and scrap burning materials against the wall. Matt wanted everything separated out and Jonas just wanted to throw everything into a heap. The whole thing was like watching a childish game.

Then Matt and Hemy got into an argument over PDA (Public display of affection). I guess Matt was in the mood and Hemy wasn’t. Matt wanted some long-awaited attention and Hemy didn’t feel like giving any. Matt suggested they go upstairs to their room for some solitude. Hemy said it was too cold and mentioned that Matt needed a bath. The yelling match that ensued was enormous. Insults flew in every direction.

Pete got in a yelling match with Lisa about a couple of visitors from a neighboring gang who wanted to take up residence inside Bear Country. Lisa was in the mood to give goodwill and sanctuary to those in need. Pete said we didn’t have room or the food resources to feed anyone else. Lisa demanded a gang vote. Most of us voted but the vote kept coming up a tie. We voted and we voted again. Then everyone started yelling at everyone. We have new guests, but our guests are going to have to go and find food and bring it back to Bear Country.

Marty and Cecelia didn’t make themselves known until everything was out of hand and all of Bear Country was into a knock down drag out fight. Marty climbs out of his tent and yells for everyone to be quiet. I have never seen Marty lose his temper. I guess the stress of the last few weeks has changed Marty into a more aggressive person.

I need to go out to the Spurs Fort and check up on Joshua. I am worried about his health. If it doesn’t snow in the morning, I’m going to walk out to the Spurs Fort.

Journal 111

The snow is piling up outside. I spent the morning helping Pete, Jonas and several other people living inside of Bear Country gather wood. Our supply is dwindling very quickly. The colder it gets the more we would need to burn to keep the room at a decent temperature.

It won’t be long before we are going to have to find wood outside of Bear Country. I dread having to trample through the snow. Pete said we could find wood out at the old wood mill if other people haven’t cleared out the place already. There are also several local buildings damaged during the earthquakes and meteor showers where we could retrieve wood. We would have to be careful not to knock down any already unsteady walls.

I am hoping the weather decides to warm up soon. I haven’t bathed in nearly a week. It’s too cold to remove my clothes. There is no water coming out of any of our pipes. We must melt the snow for water to drink. Tony says the only thing that will stop the water shortage is warm weather.

Everyone in Bear Country listened to the radio most of the day. Tony placed the radio in the center of the room and turned it up very loud. I like the radio DJ. One of these days, I’m going to go to the station and find out exactly who he is. He sounds tall.

Journal 110

It is continuing to snow. It’s so frickin cold. I didn’t sleep well last night. Several people coughed and tried to hack up their lungs most of the night. Around three in the morning, my bladder forced me to get up and go to the bathroom. I avoided getting out of bed as long as possible, but my bladder was on the verge of exploding. I wrapped myself in a couple of blankets and walked up the stairs to the bathroom in the admin hallway. The bathroom was so cold that there was ice in a couple of sinks. Have you ever noticed that it is hard to go pee when the toilet seat is cold, and you are freezing?

On my way back to my bed in the front lobby, I saw Lisa and Tyson walking out the front doors of Bear Country. Lisa never follows the rules. The last thing I remember, we banned Tyson from entering Bear Country.

Then again, he has been a different person since joining the Followers of Aloysius. If he doesn’t cause any trouble, I guess I won’t say anything. Tyson and Lisa were going to an Aloysius meeting or gathering. I hope they didn’t have far to go because it looked like a blizzard outside.

We had a little excitement today. Tony and Victor managed to get a radio working. Someone is out there broadcasting music to the surrounding area. How cool is that?

Journal 139

I spent most of the day huddled in my blanket and daydreaming about warm weather. I’m too tired to walk around the room. Anna dropped by and gave me more water and two apples. I had to memorize a prayer and then praise Aloysius before she would give it to me.

Journal 109

I looked around the room not certain what to do next. They caught me off guard. I was in the kitchen with a group of Followers of Aloysius. My mind was spinning. Should I run or just slowly back out of the room? I thought of excusing myself by saying I was suddenly feeling ill. Unfortunately, Jonas took the first available seat and then winked at me. If thoughts could cause ailments, Jonas would have a severe case of irritable bowels. I smiled at everyone in the room and took my place at the table opposite Jonas and between two followers of Aloysius. I smiled and glared at Jonas and then kicked him in the shin.

The meal was very nice. I didn’t talk much during the meal. I answered a couple of questions about Bear Country. Jonas didn’t stop talking the entire time. He talked to everyone around the table at least once. After the meal, Roman-Lloyd invited Jonas and me to a gathering at the movie theater. The Followers of Aloysius we are getting together to celebrate Aloysius and all that is good. Before Jonas could answer, I said that Bear Country needed us, but we could attend a gathering at another time. Roman-Lloyd politely said that the gatherings are open to everyone who wished to attend.

Jonas teased me most of the way home. After I had received my fill of teasing, I pushed Jonas into a drainage ditch and walked the rest of the way home alone.

Journal 108

Roman-Lloyd invited Jonas and me into the house. It was a nice farmhouse, very clean. I was looking forward to the free meal. Jonas was already licking his lips. I think the boy would eat anything if it were offered free. So, would I.

Roman-Lloyd took our coats and hung them up on the coat rack just inside the front door and then he offered us seats in a little sitting room just off to the side. Roman-Lloyd said he would be back for us in a few minutes. He had to go and clean up.

The minutes ticked by. I was beginning to feel a little abandoned. I kept peeking out the sitting room door. Finally, the little girl I had seen in the barn entered the sitting room. She was wearing a little white country dress covered with tiny little flowers and a green ribbon in her hair. She was very cute. I was suddenly feeling a little underdressed.

The little girl invited Jonas and me to lunch. We followed her into the kitchen. It was an ordinary kitchen with a long wooden table surrounded by benches. Food covered the table. Standing around the table in various clothes of white were eight followers of Aloysius.

Roma-Lloyd was at the head of the table. “Welcome to our home. Please join us for our meal.” I’m sure I didn’t breathe for an entire minute.

Journal 107

Jonas and I both swung around to see who was talking. My face was so cold that I was having trouble speaking. Jonas explained that we weren’t lost. We were just hoping to barter for food. Roman-Lloyd, as we would shortly discover was his name, said that his gang didn’t usually trade with outsiders, but he might be able to help us out depending on what we needed.

I was freezing and my fingers were starting to throb. I asked Roman-Lloyd if he had a fire barrel I could stand nearby. I wanted to thaw out my hands. Roman-Lloyd graciously invited Jonas and me into the barn. He said we could warm up there while he gathered up the items that we needed. It was a nice barn, and it was warm. The barn was very spacious and filled with hay. A dozen chickens, several goats, three cows and four horses occupied the barn with us. I plopped down in the middle of a haystack. Jonas walked around the room looking at the animals. Jonas commented on the animals’ wellbeing. All the animals were very well taken care of and not scrawny and underfed like the normal livestock we have seen. A few minutes later Roman-Lloyd and a young girl about 7 years old returned with the items we had requested. Jonas and I handed over the items we had agreed to trade.

Roman-Lloyd asked Jonas and me if we wanted to stay for lunch. Jonas and I both looked at each other and said “Yes” in unison.

Journal 106

I stepped off the steps into the snow. Jonas was close behind and he didn’t look thrilled about having to go on our little expedition. Jonas mumbled something about hating the cold. At least the two of us were on the same page. I hate the cold too. I asked Jonas where he would like to go first. He looked left then he looked right. Then he looked left and then he looked right. A couple more moments of contemplation and we walked off towards the farms on the edge of town. It would have been a waste of time to go searching for food in town. No one will set up a kiosk when the weather is cold.

Farmers are a rare breed, and they take their farming very seriously. Bear Country’s agriculture club provides most of our food. We don’t have everything we need. For example, Bear Country doesn’t have chickens. A good laying chicken is worth its weight in gold. Getting an egg on the open market is almost impossible. You must know someone to get eggs. (Any kind of egg, Chicken or otherwise) Another thing that is hard to find is real milk. A few farms will sell milk from their cows, sheep, and goats but you are going to pay a very hefty price. Beware of anything sold on the open market claiming to be milk. If you are going to purchase milk, buy it from a farmer and insist on a little sip. You don’t want to buy milk that has been sitting around in a bucket for two or three days.

The first two farm doors we knocked on had nothing to trade. By this time, I was freezing to death. I was almost ready to tell Jonas I wanted to go back home to Bear Country. Jonas and I had been out in the cold for two hours. The third farm looked a little more promising from a distance. We could see smoke coming from more than one of the buildings and a few people walking around outside doing chores. An active farm usually means a working farm and food to barter.

We almost made it to the main house when I heard someone ask us if we were lost.