The Journal of Madie Beartri

Journal 145

Anna and I went for a walk in the sun today. Four of her guards followed us. I kept my eyes open in hopes that I might see a friend. I didn’t see anyone from Bear Country. Most of the snow has melted. I’m glad because I am tired of being cold.

There were many Followers of Aloysius walking around town or at least people who looked like they were Followers of Aloysius. Anna was very proud. She said the world is changing for the better. I try to be open-minded, but I don’t see this change as an improvement on what we already have. Anna said she would be moving me to the Spurs Fort in a couple of days.

Journal 144

Anna didn’t come by today. I hate these games. I spent the day listening at the door hoping to hear footsteps. There was nothing. Just silence. I tried several times today to break the door handle and escape. Anna isn’t going to be happy. I damaged the door jam. I only have about a half a quart of water left. My stomach is killing me. The weather must be warming up outside. I didn’t need my blanket most of the day.

Journal 143

Anna continues to play games. I think I am going insane. Anna torments me. She isolates me from the world and teases me constantly. I only get to eat on her terms. If she is trying to break me then I am broken. I don’t want to play anymore. I want a room with a view. I hate these four walls.

Joshua has been a good friend. He was always there when I needed him. I miss him. I spent most of the day thinking about Joshua and my other friends. I keep dreaming he is more than a friend. Anna ruined everything. I wish she would die. I keep hoping if I think about it long enough her brain will explode into a thousand pieces.

One good thing happened today. Anna let me take a bath and she gave me some clean clothes.

Journal 142

Nothing to do but sleep and memorize the passages that Anna insists I memorize. I dreamt about my parents. I haven’t had a dream about them in ages. I miss them. In my dream, it was a warm day, and we were having a picnic. It was a lovely dream. My dream ended the moment Anna poured a glass of water on my head. It was a rude awakening.

I tried to get Anna to tell me about my friends. She refused to tell me anything. She kept repeating that the Will of Aloysius was the only thing that mattered. I wanted more information. I begged, I pleaded. I promised to do anything she asked of me if she would just tell me about my friends. I didn’t get any answers.

Journal 141

Anna and her guards came by just as the sun was going down. She held a plate of food and asked me to say the passage she had asked me to memorize. I only made it to the first paragraph before making a mistake. Anna turned and walked out of my room. I think she was disappointed. Anna didn’t leave the plate.

Journal 140

Anna had her guards let me outside just long enough to empty my bucket. It smelled so good outside. My room smells awful. I begged for more time outside, but Anna said Aloysius had a plan for me and right now, the plan was for me to spend time in my room thinking about doing the Will of Aloysius. I hate Aloysius. Anna gave me a reading of Aloysius to memorize by tomorrow. She said if I could say it back without making any mistakes, she would bring me a treat.

 

 

Journal 138

Anna stopped by this morning. She was all smug and acting as if she was queen. At first, I thought I was dreaming. I haven’t been sleeping well. Anna brought me a Danish pastry and a quart of water. She made me praise Aloysius. At first, I refused to eat but the pastry smelled so good. I was so hungry. I couldn’t go another day without eating. Anna left as soon as she handed me the pastry.

Journal 137

Another day has gone by. I’m cold and hungry. I can’t scream anymore. If someone is out there, they are doing an excellent job of ignoring me. I spend my time sleeping and pacing around the room. I held my pee as long as I could, but I had to pee in the bucket and then I got a case of the runs. It smells awful here.

Journal 136

I walked outside with Joshua. Tony, Marty, and Jonas followed a few minutes later. Kate and Lisa were keeping Anna occupied inside. It was a simple task. Give Joshua a drink of Gin and convince Him that Anna was bad. He already knew that Anna was bad. He had been pretending.

There was an unexpected feeling of relief when Joshua said he had been working with friends to get rid of Anna. Joshua asked me to stay and help him defeat the Followers of Aloysius. Joshua caught me off guard. At first, I thought Joshua was joking, so I laughed. Joshua wasn’t joking. He was serious. The kiss was unexpected.

As soon as Tony realized what Joshua had said wasn’t a joke, he took a swing at Joshua. Suddenly more than a dozen of Anna’s guards jumped out from nowhere. We didn’t have a chance. We tried to fight but they had us outnumbered.

I’ve been inside this room freezing my butt off for more than a day, no food and only a pee bucket. Screaming for someone to let me out doesn’t seem to help. It has given me a sore throat. My friends don’t seem to be in the same building because no one answers when I call.

Journal 135

Joshua continued with his speech, and I waited for lightning to strike me down. My entire life flashed through my head. I remembered the good times before the virus and the bad times after the virus. The key moments, the decisions I had made that brought me to where I was today flooded my brain. I stood mesmerized listening to Joshua. I can’t remember exactly what he said but he was making perfect sense. I think. Whatever he said I suddenly felt a sense of calm and relief. The lights came back on just as Joshua mentioned my name and asked me to say the prayer. I said the prayer and didn’t even have to think about the words.

I forgot about my mission for a few minutes. Moved by Joshua’s words many of the seekers cried as they took the offering. Victor was the last person in line. Joshua was standing to my left and Anna to the right. Victor reached out to grab his offering and then puked all over Anna’s robes. The expression on Anna’s face was priceless. She handled things well for approximately three seconds and then Anna puked in return. The whole room was backed up in unison. It was very much like the parting of the waters in the bible. Kate and Lisa helped an ill Anna out of the room.

With Anna out of the room, I had Joshua all to myself.