The Journal of Madie Beartri

Journal 155

I had decided, and I felt fine with it. My morning went great. After a long talk with Joshua last night, I made the decision to move into the Spurs Fort. There was nothing or no one holding me to Bear Country. At least that’s what I thought.

I bumped into Tony as I was carrying my stuff down the stairs. Joshua was outside in the wagon rearranging so that everything would fit.

I didn’t know what to say. I was totally at a loss for words. I stood there staring at him like an idiot. I wanted to hug him, but my arms were full. Tony said nothing at first. He just gave me an evil smirk and pushed me. I yelled at him to stop, and I asked him where he had been. He didn’t answer so I asked again. Tony was angry. He jumped down a couple of steps until he was standing on the step just above the one I was standing on. Tony started yelling at me. He said he was amazed at how quickly I had forgotten about him and jumped to someone new. I didn’t just jump to someone new. I thought Tony was dead or gone or something. Tony wanted to hit me. I could see it in his eyes but instead he gave my shoulder a shove. It was enough to make me lose my balance. I didn’t fall but everything I was holding flew out of my arms and crashed down the stairs.

Before I knew what was happening Tony and Joshua were fighting. I tried to stop the fight, but my two friends wouldn’t stop hitting each other. Sheriff Pete, Jonas, and Marty ended up stopping the fight. Sheriff Pete sent Tony to his room and asked me to leave as quickly as possible.

Journal 154

I started yelling for anyone that would listen. I wanted to know who thought they had the right to kick me out of my room. I was angry. Sheriff Pete was the first person up the stairs followed by Matt, Hemy and Jonas. Joshua kept trying to calm me down. If Joshua hadn’t been holding my right hand in his I would have punched Pete square in the nose.

Sheriff Pete was calm and didn’t seem distressed about my rant one small bit. Although, he was staying a good arms length away from my swing. Because Bear Country had a recent increase in gang members there was a shortage of vacant habitable rooms. Pete said since I was no longer the gang leader of Bear Country and since I had chosen not to take on a leadership role, I was being moved to a smaller room on the bottom floor. A family of four was going to use my room. They needed the space, and I didn’t.

It’s not that I wouldn’t have made the sacrifice and moved to the bottom floor but what I hate is that no one asked me. I deserved a little respect and a little warning. Hemy tried to make excuses by saying that I hadn’t been around to ask. Matt said the decision wasn’t made lightly. Jonas didn’t see what the big deal was at all.

I feel abandoned by my friends. Matt and Jonas would have still been wondering if I hadn’t invited them to join my gang in the first place. As for Pete, he wouldn’t be the leader of Bear Country if I hadn’t encouraged him to run for the office.

Journal 153

This day has really sucked.

My plans were to wake up early so that I could attend the burial of Gretchen and the baby. I spent the night at the Spurs Fort again. Joshua and I were up late. I don’t even know what time we went to bed. I didn’t make it to the funeral, and I feel horrible.

Joshua and I arrived at Bear Country just as the ceremony was ending. Sheriff Pete walked up to me and made the comment that it was nice of me to drop by and show my respect. His comment stung because it was meant as a reprimand. I tried to apologize to Marty and Cecelia for being late, but Pete grabbed my arm and asked me to leave them alone.

Joshua didn’t like the way Sheriff Pete grabbed me by my arm. Joshua shoved Pete. I stepped between them before either one had the chance to throw the first punch. I have accidentally alienated most of my friends. I’m not even sure exactly what I did. People hate me and I don’t even know why.

Matt and Hemy suggested that I stay out at the Spurs Fort for a few days and let things cool down in Bear Country. Jonas just gave me a shrug and walked away. I went to grab a few things out of my room only to find it empty of my stuff. Everything I owned was stacked in the hallway.

Journal 152

It has been more than a week since the disappearance of Lisa, Tony, and Victor. It is conceivable that they all died somewhere during the fighting, or they all decided to walk away and start a new life somewhere else. I think I prefer to think that Lisa, Tony and Victor decided to start up a new life somewhere else. I don’t want to think about any of them dead, not Tony.

I have been spending my days at Bear Country and my nights at the Spurs Fort. Joshua would prefer I spend all my time out at the Spurs Fort, but I am having difficulty leaving the home that I founded.

Sheriff Pete is a fine leader. He is attempting to restore Bear Country back to her former glory. He has invited several new people to join Bear Country. At least a dozen strangers walk the halls.

I had almost forgotten that we hadn’t buried Gretchen and the baby. Their bodies still lie in wait in the green house. I helped dig a hole out behind the football field today so that we could have Gretchen and the baby’s funeral tomorrow. Marty and Cecelia spent most of the day in the greenhouse. I couldn’t go in. It was too depressing and creepy.

Journal 151

The night under the stars was a nice one, although I did wake up twice; Once because Joshua was snoring in my ear and once because I had a feeling I was being watched or hovered over or something. I sat up expecting to see Tony standing before me. It was a very eerie feeling.

I spent the day with Matt, Hemy and Jonas looking around town for anyone who might know the whereabouts of Lisa, Victor, or Tony. I would like to know if they are alive or dead. I especially want to know what happened to Tony. It bugs me that I don’t know what happened to him. I need to know. I want to know. Most of the people the four of us ran into were polite but a few people didn’t want to be bothered. They had their own problems to deal with. We didn’t get any answers. Our friends have dropped off the face of the earth. Our last stop of the day was Hyatt’s Arcade. I think we had been his only customers for the day. The place had a ghost town feel. I half expected to see a tumbleweed roll across the floor. Hyatt gave the four of us a drink without expecting payment. We all talked for a little while and then said goodbye. Hyatt asked us to come back again. I like Hyatt.

When everything goes wrong, you know his establishment is going to be there.

Journal 150

I am so tired. All my muscles ache. It has been a long day. The bonfire is huge. It will burn until tomorrow or even the next day. The ceremony to say goodbye to the dead was lovely.

Kate and a few other people said poems or read letters of goodbye. Joshua did what any leader would do. He praised his dead friends by mentioning the good things they had accomplished with their lives.

Tonight, we are sleeping under the stars. It’s a little chilly but the heat from the bonfire actually has things comfortable. I gathered up a good half dozen blankets and made a bed. Joshua went on a walk. He said he would be back shortly.

Joshua wanted to spend some time alone, to think. I’m thinking he is probably beating up a tree or something. He looks calm but I am thinking internally he is raging. I’m waiting with a hug. I know he needs it.

Journal 149

I slept like a rock last night. Everyone has retreated to his or her own room in Bear Country. It felt good to sleep in my own bed. The front lobby looks like a war zone. The rubble left behind is disgusting. I’m not looking forward to the clean up.

I ran into Pete today. He was on his way out to a gang meeting. I resisted the urge to ask if I could come along. Honestly, I didn’t want to go anyway.

I walked out to the Spurs Fort to meet with Joshua. I was going to follow him out to the Fort last night, but Joshua insisted I stay at Bear Country. It’s sad; most of the Spurs Fort was destroyed by fire. The main house is still standing. Joshua lost several gang members in the fighting. The dead are gathered and awaiting burial. Joshua would prefer to bury his friends, but the ground is still too hard. We were only able to dig a couple of inches. I think we are going to build a bonfire this evening instead. The Spurs left are trying to recover from Anna’s dirty deeds. Everyone has been working hard today despite the sadness. Poor Joshua, I can tell he is hurting. I can see it in his face. He is a true leader. He maintains self-control must better than I have ever been able to do.

I spent the afternoon trying to put things in order. I’ve been helping to gather up supplies, equipment and food. Joshua has spent most of the afternoon looking for his roaming cattle.

Journal 148

Everyone that resides in Bear Country is safe except for Lisa, Tony, and Victor. Their whereabouts are unknown. The war continues outside but it’s dwindling fast. I think the only ones fighting are those people who have nothing left to do but fight. I think it’s a type of insanity. This war was larger than it needed to be. For some reason when battles like this break out people start running around and destroying everything in sight. It is a chaotic situation, and it makes no sense. Gangs that have no beef with each other are suddenly fighting.

According to the radio and Daedalus, the war started on the south side of town near the industrial park. I have never been that far south, so I really don’t know who lives there.

Daedalus said the gangs living in that area didn’t like having their territory invaded by strangers. As an unspoken rule, all of us have always stayed away from that area. According to Daedalus, Anna tried to excerpt her power and ended up with more resistance than she expected. I think Anna was a little too full of herself.

Bear Country successfully fought off invaders. We sent them packing with their tails between their legs. What idiots.

Journal 147

I started to cry as soon as Joshua asked me if I was OK. I wasn’t ok. I was feeling wobbly. My heart was pounding out of my chest, and I was having difficulty catching my breath. I turned around to see the building I was in totally engulfed in flames. He rescued me just in time.

Joshua apologized but we didn’t have time to stand around and wait for me to recover. Joshua started pulling me toward the street. Kate, Matt, Jonas, and Sherriff Pete were standing in the street waiting for us. We ran off towards Bear Country.

Our trip home to Bear Country was a dangerous one. The whole town was in a state of chaos. Fires were everywhere. It looked like the mail was warm all over again. People were running this way and that way. Fighting was everywhere. The injured, the dying and the dead covered the ground. I wanted to help but honestly, I had no idea who were the good guys and who were the bad. Joshua wasn’t letting me stop anyway. He kept dragging me along encouraging me to move faster.

The whole thing didn’t make any sense at all. Yesterday everything was quiet. Anna was in total control. Followers of Aloysius were everywhere joyfully spreading the praises. I had missed a lot while locked up in that room.

Journal 146

I woke up this morning struggling to breathe. I couldn’t see anything. Smoke and fire were pouring through the air vent at the top of the wall. Smoke had engulfed my room. I crawled to the door. I banged and yelled for someone to help me. I knew no one was going to help me. I was going to die in the fire. I was lying on the floor near the door struggling to breathe. I couldn’t catch my breath. Suddenly the door burst open. I couldn’t tell who was there, but he grabbed me by my shirt and dragged me outside.