The Journal of Madie Beartri

Journal 150

I am so tired. All my muscles ache. It has been a long day. The bonfire is huge. It will burn until tomorrow or even the next day. The ceremony to say goodbye to the dead was lovely.

Kate and a few other people said poems or read letters of goodbye. Joshua did what any leader would do. He praised his dead friends by mentioning the good things they had accomplished with their lives.

Tonight, we are sleeping under the stars. It’s a little chilly but the heat from the bonfire actually has things comfortable. I gathered up a good half dozen blankets and made a bed. Joshua went on a walk. He said he would be back shortly.

Joshua wanted to spend some time alone, to think. I’m thinking he is probably beating up a tree or something. He looks calm but I am thinking internally he is raging. I’m waiting with a hug. I know he needs it.

Journal 149

I slept like a rock last night. Everyone has retreated to his or her own room in Bear Country. It felt good to sleep in my own bed. The front lobby looks like a war zone. The rubble left behind is disgusting. I’m not looking forward to the clean up.

I ran into Pete today. He was on his way out to a gang meeting. I resisted the urge to ask if I could come along. Honestly, I didn’t want to go anyway.

I walked out to the Spurs Fort to meet with Joshua. I was going to follow him out to the Fort last night, but Joshua insisted I stay at Bear Country. It’s sad; most of the Spurs Fort was destroyed by fire. The main house is still standing. Joshua lost several gang members in the fighting. The dead are gathered and awaiting burial. Joshua would prefer to bury his friends, but the ground is still too hard. We were only able to dig a couple of inches. I think we are going to build a bonfire this evening instead. The Spurs left are trying to recover from Anna’s dirty deeds. Everyone has been working hard today despite the sadness. Poor Joshua, I can tell he is hurting. I can see it in his face. He is a true leader. He maintains self-control must better than I have ever been able to do.

I spent the afternoon trying to put things in order. I’ve been helping to gather up supplies, equipment and food. Joshua has spent most of the afternoon looking for his roaming cattle.

Journal 148

Everyone that resides in Bear Country is safe except for Lisa, Tony, and Victor. Their whereabouts are unknown. The war continues outside but it’s dwindling fast. I think the only ones fighting are those people who have nothing left to do but fight. I think it’s a type of insanity. This war was larger than it needed to be. For some reason when battles like this break out people start running around and destroying everything in sight. It is a chaotic situation, and it makes no sense. Gangs that have no beef with each other are suddenly fighting.

According to the radio and Daedalus, the war started on the south side of town near the industrial park. I have never been that far south, so I really don’t know who lives there.

Daedalus said the gangs living in that area didn’t like having their territory invaded by strangers. As an unspoken rule, all of us have always stayed away from that area. According to Daedalus, Anna tried to excerpt her power and ended up with more resistance than she expected. I think Anna was a little too full of herself.

Bear Country successfully fought off invaders. We sent them packing with their tails between their legs. What idiots.

Journal 147

I started to cry as soon as Joshua asked me if I was OK. I wasn’t ok. I was feeling wobbly. My heart was pounding out of my chest, and I was having difficulty catching my breath. I turned around to see the building I was in totally engulfed in flames. He rescued me just in time.

Joshua apologized but we didn’t have time to stand around and wait for me to recover. Joshua started pulling me toward the street. Kate, Matt, Jonas, and Sherriff Pete were standing in the street waiting for us. We ran off towards Bear Country.

Our trip home to Bear Country was a dangerous one. The whole town was in a state of chaos. Fires were everywhere. It looked like the mail was warm all over again. People were running this way and that way. Fighting was everywhere. The injured, the dying and the dead covered the ground. I wanted to help but honestly, I had no idea who were the good guys and who were the bad. Joshua wasn’t letting me stop anyway. He kept dragging me along encouraging me to move faster.

The whole thing didn’t make any sense at all. Yesterday everything was quiet. Anna was in total control. Followers of Aloysius were everywhere joyfully spreading the praises. I had missed a lot while locked up in that room.

Journal 146

I woke up this morning struggling to breathe. I couldn’t see anything. Smoke and fire were pouring through the air vent at the top of the wall. Smoke had engulfed my room. I crawled to the door. I banged and yelled for someone to help me. I knew no one was going to help me. I was going to die in the fire. I was lying on the floor near the door struggling to breathe. I couldn’t catch my breath. Suddenly the door burst open. I couldn’t tell who was there, but he grabbed me by my shirt and dragged me outside.

Journal 145

Anna and I went for a walk in the sun today. Four of her guards followed us. I kept my eyes open in hopes that I might see a friend. I didn’t see anyone from Bear Country. Most of the snow has melted. I’m glad because I am tired of being cold.

There were many Followers of Aloysius walking around town or at least people who looked like they were Followers of Aloysius. Anna was very proud. She said the world is changing for the better. I try to be open-minded, but I don’t see this change as an improvement on what we already have. Anna said she would be moving me to the Spurs Fort in a couple of days.

Journal 144

Anna didn’t come by today. I hate these games. I spent the day listening at the door hoping to hear footsteps. There was nothing. Just silence. I tried several times today to break the door handle and escape. Anna isn’t going to be happy. I damaged the door jam. I only have about a half a quart of water left. My stomach is killing me. The weather must be warming up outside. I didn’t need my blanket most of the day.

Journal 143

Anna continues to play games. I think I am going insane. Anna torments me. She isolates me from the world and teases me constantly. I only get to eat on her terms. If she is trying to break me then I am broken. I don’t want to play anymore. I want a room with a view. I hate these four walls.

Joshua has been a good friend. He was always there when I needed him. I miss him. I spent most of the day thinking about Joshua and my other friends. I keep dreaming he is more than a friend. Anna ruined everything. I wish she would die. I keep hoping if I think about it long enough her brain will explode into a thousand pieces.

One good thing happened today. Anna let me take a bath and she gave me some clean clothes.

Journal 142

Nothing to do but sleep and memorize the passages that Anna insists I memorize. I dreamt about my parents. I haven’t had a dream about them in ages. I miss them. In my dream, it was a warm day, and we were having a picnic. It was a lovely dream. My dream ended the moment Anna poured a glass of water on my head. It was a rude awakening.

I tried to get Anna to tell me about my friends. She refused to tell me anything. She kept repeating that the Will of Aloysius was the only thing that mattered. I wanted more information. I begged, I pleaded. I promised to do anything she asked of me if she would just tell me about my friends. I didn’t get any answers.

Journal 141

Anna and her guards came by just as the sun was going down. She held a plate of food and asked me to say the passage she had asked me to memorize. I only made it to the first paragraph before making a mistake. Anna turned and walked out of my room. I think she was disappointed. Anna didn’t leave the plate.